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Band 4+: The table below shows information about department stores and online stores Australia in 2011

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Image for topic: The table below shows information about department stores and online stores Australia in 2011

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The image shows a table comparing department stores and online stores: Number of business - Department stores: 67, Online stores: 368; Profit (AUD dollars) - Department stores: 807, Online stores: 863; Sales revenue (AUD dollars) - Department stores: 12700, Online stores: 13400; The growth - Department stores: 0.4%, Online stores: 0.6%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The table show comperated departement stores and online stores in Australia in 2011.

Looking first, the online stores has the highest number for all categories (number of business, profit (AUD dollars, sales revenue (AUD dollars), the growth) compared to departement stores. meanwhile, departemen stores has the lowest figures from all categories.

It can be seen, sales revenue (AUD dollars) in the online stores has the number at 13400, the second position is profit (AUD dollars) with 863, followed two categories such as number of business (368), and the growth (0.6%). Futhermore, departement stores has the lower figure than online stores.

overall, generally, we can see from the table if online stores the higher than departement stores for all categories.

Word Count: 119

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

stores: 9

online: 5

departement: 4

number: 3

categories: 3

dollars): 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the task, but it contains some inaccuracies and lacks detail. To improve, focus on providing more specific comparisons and avoid generalizations. Also, ensure accurate data representation and vary sentence structure for better clarity. The report falls short of the required 150 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report lacks clear organization and transitions between ideas. Paragraphing is not effectively used to separate distinct points. The flow of information is disrupted by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, making it difficult for the reader to follow the comparison between department stores and online stores. To improve coherence, use topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph and transition words to connect related ideas. For example, you could start a paragraph with 'In contrast to department stores...' or 'Similarly, online stores...' to guide the reader through the comparison.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, lacking the precision needed to effectively describe the data. There is over-reliance on simple words like 'highest,' 'lowest,' and 'number.' To enhance lexical resource, try to incorporate synonyms and more specific vocabulary related to business and economics. For example, instead of 'highest number,' consider using 'largest quantity' or 'greatest volume.' Instead of 'the growth,' you could use 'growth rate' or 'percentage increase.'

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses ('show' instead of 'shows,' 'has' instead of 'have'), subject-verb agreement issues, and incorrect article usage. Sentence structure is also simplistic and repetitive, which affects the overall clarity and readability of the report. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on mastering basic grammar rules and sentence structures. Practice writing complex sentences using conjunctions and subordinate clauses to add variety and sophistication to your writing. Proofread carefully for errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and article usage.

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