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Band 4+: Many people believe that social media has a negative impact on young people's mental health. Others think it has beneficial effects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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It is often argued that online platforms effects on mental health by among young users.I firmly agree with this view fort the reason outline below.

On the one hand,social media has been widely using by people in every situations.Most pople addicted to them because of increasing online life.It used for study,job,business and also daily routines.For example,CHATGPT is very famouse AI programm in our world.Especially,every people want to use it rather than using their brain.On the one side,it is so useful and free version among AI programms for users.On the other side,it leads to low self-esteem and confidence in oneself.

Furthermore,young learners tend to spend six or seven hours a day that scrolling short videos,chatting with somebody or playing video games.This is largely bacause that young children do not willing to study hardly,especially on paper version such as books,notebooks and others.With any reason social media has a largely negative effects on mental health.Spending to much time to internet caused to distrupt sleep,exhibit symptoms of dopamine and anxiety infrequently.Admittedly,social media reduce iteraction between people,disrtruct social interaction and conversations.

To conclude,I firmly believe that social media poses serious issues on mental health,disruptes lifestyle in every time.

Word Count: 193

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

media: 4

mental: 3

social: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a position. However, the ideas lack clarity and development. The examples provided are not always directly relevant to the argument. To improve, focus on providing clearer explanations and more specific examples to support your points. Also, ensure that your arguments directly relate to the impact of social media on mental health, particularly among young people. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay's structure is somewhat unclear, and the flow of ideas is often disrupted by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Paragraphing is present but could be used more effectively to separate distinct ideas. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs need improvement to enhance the overall coherence. Consider using clearer topic sentences and transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is basic and lacks the range needed to express ideas with precision. There are instances of inappropriate word choice and overuse of simple words. To improve, focus on expanding your vocabulary and using more varied and precise language. Pay attention to collocations and the appropriate use of synonyms. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains frequent grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and improper use of articles and prepositions. Sentence structure is often awkward and unclear. To improve, focus on mastering basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction. Review and correct errors in your writing to enhance clarity and accuracy.

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