Discussion

Band 5+: Writing task-2 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. You should write at least 250 words.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

Physical strength is very important in sport indeed, other way the athlete won’t have the physical resources to be competitive. In sport there will be moments when the athlete struggles, depending the sport if he or she is losing or winning those are the important moments to identify, if it is not well read that will lead to crisis o relax of the athlete, so mental strength can be the key factor when the competition is really tight.

In my opinion the ultimate athlete is the one that can mix both of the scenarios physical and mental strength, in this specific topic the athlete must have a minimum competitive physical strength with a very strong mind to be superior of an athlete that has better physical strength.

For example in football, the 2009-2011 FC Barcelona had a lot of small players compared to other teams across Europe, Puyol the center back was around 176 cm, Xavi, Iniesta, Messi, Pedro, Dani Alves didn’t surpass the 175 cm, but that didn’t stop them to dominate Spain and Europe, winning everything in those 2 years, even though teams like Real Madrid, Chelsea, etc. based their football in a more physical way couldn’t even compare to the style of play and achievements of the Spaniards.

As a result talking about mental strength is not only about being able to stay calm and focused in the hardest times, but also having clear ideas, style of play printed in their brain after practising it till perfection was and most of the times is the difference between an athlete achieving his goals or not.

Word Count: 267

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

athlete: 7

physical: 6

strength: 5

sport: 3

mental: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt by discussing both physical and mental strength and providing a personal opinion. A position is clearly stated: that a combination of both is ideal, with a slight emphasis on mental superiority. However, the development of ideas is somewhat uneven. While the example of FC Barcelona is relevant and well-chosen, the discussion of physical strength in the first paragraph is quite brief and lacks depth. To improve, ensure that each viewpoint is given a dedicated, well-developed paragraph. For instance, one paragraph should focus entirely on why physical strength is essential (e.g., injury prevention, speed, power), and a second paragraph should focus on the nuances of mental strength (e.g., resilience, strategy, focus). This would create a more balanced and structured argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical progression of ideas, but the cohesion is weakened by poor sentence structure. Many sentences are 'run-on' sentences, where multiple independent ideas are joined by commas rather than full stops or appropriate conjunctions. To improve, focus on using a variety of linking words (e.g., 'However', 'Furthermore', 'Consequently') and ensure that each sentence contains one main idea to help the reader follow your argument more easily.

Lexical Resource

You demonstrate a good ability to use topic-specific vocabulary, such as 'competitive,' 'dominate,' and 'achievements.' The example regarding FC Barcelona is well-chosen and supports your point effectively. To reach a higher band, try to avoid repetitive phrasing and use more sophisticated collocations. For instance, instead of saying 'mix both of the scenarios,' you could use 'integrate both physical and mental attributes.'

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede clarity. Specifically, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, preposition usage (e.g., 'depending the sport' should be 'depending on the sport'), and sentence boundaries. You should practice using complex sentence structures (subordinate clauses) correctly and ensure that you use full stops to separate distinct thoughts. Mastering the use of punctuation will significantly improve the professional tone of your writing.

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