Band 4+: You recently purchased a mobile phone from an online store, but it arrived with a cracked screen and a faulty battery. Write a letter to the customer service department of the online store complaining about the damaged phone. You should include details about: - The date you purchased the phone and order number - Describe the damage to the phone and its faulty battery - What action you expect them to take (e.g., a refund or a replacement)

The letter addresses all three bullet points, but the development of the ideas is insufficient. While you described the damage and stated what you want (a refund or replacement), you failed to adequately explain what happened when you contacted customer service. The prompt specifically asks for this information, yet it is entirely missing from your response. Additionally, some information provided, such as the details about the membership, feels slightly tangential to the primary issue of the damaged phone. To improve, ensure that every bullet point in the prompt is addressed with specific details. For example, you could mention that you called the helpline and were put on hold for an hour, or that the agent was unhelpful. Also, pay closer attention to capitalization (e.g., 'I' instead of 'i') and spelling to improve the overall professionalism of the letter. The letter falls short of the required 150 words.

The letter follows a logical progression in terms of addressing the bullet points, but the transitions between ideas are somewhat abrupt. The use of cohesive devices like 'Firstly' and 'Moreover' is appropriate, but the internal flow of sentences is disrupted by grammatical errors. To improve, ensure that each paragraph focuses clearly on one specific bullet point from the task and use smoother linking phrases to connect your thoughts.

The vocabulary used is functional but quite basic. There are several spelling errors (e.g., 'recevied', 'survices', 'furthur', 'Thankyou') and some awkward phrasing (e.g., 'took the membership', 'where mobile should be delivered'). To reach a higher band, try to use more precise business vocabulary, such as 'subscription service' instead of 'membership', and 'damaged upon arrival' instead of 'found broken phone'. Ensure all words are spelled correctly to maintain professionalism.

Grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede the reader's understanding. There are issues with capitalization (e.g., 'i' instead of 'I', 'sir/ madam' instead of 'Sir/Madam'), sentence structure (e.g., 'when opened the parcel box and found broken phone'), and verb tense consistency. Focus on mastering basic sentence structures, subject-verb agreement, and the correct use of articles (a, an, the). Additionally, remember to capitalize the first letter of every sentence and the personal pronoun 'I'.