Opinion

Band 4+: Some people believe that students should focus only on academic subjects, while others think they should also learn practical skills like cooking or managing money."

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Nowadays the question of whether teenagers should focus only on academic subjects at school or they should also learn practical skills like cooking or financial management is highly debated. While there are valid arguments on both sides. I personally believe that a person should know how to cook or financial management.

On the one hand, proponents of academic education at school argue that students will get knowledge before an university. The main reason is that to their children be educated and always will be smart and better than other students. For example, while a student who got academic education will pass on high scores and other people who did not get academic education will pass this on low scores. Consequently, this approach is helping for most people who want to study on the best university they get academic subjects.

On the other hand, i strongly agree with those who believe that practical skills like cooking and financial management. First of all these skills really needs for real life. This is because, if you stay at home and you are hungry you just can cook, in second case you want to buy a car, if you control your money, you will not be poor you can be more rich then in present. Furthermore when you get money you will know how to spend it to in future it will be useful for you.

As result without education you will not lose on your life

In conclusion while both approaches have their merits, I am convinced that are cooking and financial management more necessary than education. This is because you will not lose on your life.

Word Count: 274

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

academic: 5

education: 5

financial: 4

should: 3

skills: 3

cooking: 3

management: 3

while: 3

other: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a clear position in favor of practical skills. However, the development of ideas is limited and lacks clarity. The arguments for academic subjects are not well-supported, and the reasoning for practical skills is somewhat repetitive and underdeveloped. There are also grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that affect coherence. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples and clearer explanations for each point. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the conclusion effectively summarizes the argument without introducing new points. Additionally, proofread for grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to enhance overall clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but the flow of ideas is often disrupted. The introduction contains a run-on sentence and a grammatical error that makes the position unclear. The body paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and logical progression; for example, the first body paragraph mixes arguments without clear linking. The conclusion does not effectively summarize the discussion and introduces a new idea ('you will not lose on your life'). Cohesive devices are used sparingly and sometimes incorrectly (e.g., 'As result'). To improve, use clear paragraphing with a single main idea per paragraph, and employ a range of linking words (e.g., 'however', 'furthermore', 'in addition') to connect ideas smoothly.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is limited and repetitive, with some inappropriate word choices (e.g., 'proponents of academic education', 'pass on high scores', 'more rich'). There is an attempt to use some topic-specific terms (e.g., 'academic subjects', 'practical skills', 'financial management'), but the range is narrow. Errors like 'before an university' and 'cooking and financial management' (used as a noun phrase without a verb) reduce clarity. To improve, expand your vocabulary by learning synonyms and collocations (e.g., 'advocates of academic education', 'perform well on exams', 'manage finances effectively'), and ensure word forms are correct (e.g., 'before university' instead of 'before an university'). Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that significantly affect clarity and readability. Issues include subject-verb agreement ('these skills really needs'), incorrect verb forms ('to their children be educated'), missing verbs ('I strongly agree with those who believe that practical skills like cooking and financial management'), and incorrect use of articles and prepositions ('before an university', 'on the best university'). Sentence structures are mostly simple or incorrectly formed, with limited use of complex sentences. To improve, focus on basic grammar rules such as subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and correct use of articles. Practice writing a variety of sentence structures, including compound and complex sentences, and proofread carefully to catch errors.

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