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Band 5+: We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?

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More and more people are using technologies such as computers. Sometimes, we think about constant using of these innovations. May be this is the beginning of dependence and we should find alternative for the future wellness of population.

In my view, at the time of modernization, gadgets are necessary for every job, personal life and for development. The world does not stand on the one place, and phone is must have in different spheres and actions. For instance, people can communicate when they are locating in other cities thanks to technology. Moreover, they can use videocall – it is important for somebody. This method may help to save the connection between two people – two hearts. It does not look like the dependence; it is a real benefit in our life.

I guess, the world is standing in the middle of modernization, because humanity can create and develop more than we believe. For example, the artificial intelligence is only getting popularization. Therefore, programmers are improving main program of the AI. Also, they are creating variants of intelligence for money; it has a value for different goals. I want to note that this artificial intelligence is a powerful start for the future discoveries. We should use benefits, which can help to make our Earth better for everyone.

In conclusion, I want to say that we should find advantages in innovation. It is may change our usual planet and make the every aspect of life better. It is a large chance for the future.

Word Count: 252

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 3

should: 3

future: 3

intelligence: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt, but the response is incomplete and lacks development. The position is unclear and the ideas are limited, with significant repetition and a lack of focus on the future uses of computers. The essay would benefit from a clearer structure, more specific examples, and a more direct response to the question of whether dependence is good or bad.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but the progression of ideas is sometimes hard to follow. The first body paragraph shifts from discussing the necessity of gadgets to a specific example about communication, which is relevant but not fully developed. The second body paragraph introduces artificial intelligence but does not clearly link it to the future uses of computers. The conclusion is brief and does not fully summarize the main points. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. Use cohesive devices such as 'furthermore', 'however', and 'in addition' to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to technology and modernization, but there are instances of imprecise word choice and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'constant using of these innovations', 'the world does not stand on the one place', 'it is a real benefit in our life'). Some expressions are informal or unclear, such as 'two hearts' and 'variants of intelligence for money'. To improve, use more precise and formal vocabulary, and ensure that word choices accurately convey the intended meaning. Expand your range of synonyms and avoid repetition. For example, instead of 'dependence', you could use 'reliance' or 'over-reliance'. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains a variety of sentence structures, but there are numerous grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. Examples include 'May be this is the beginning of dependence' (should be 'Maybe'), 'the world does not stand on the one place' (incorrect phrase), 'it is may change' (incorrect verb form), and 'make the every aspect of life better' (incorrect article usage). There are also issues with subject-verb agreement and tense consistency. To improve, focus on accuracy in grammar and punctuation, and practice using a wider range of complex structures correctly. Proofreading the essay before submission would help reduce these errors.

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