Bar Chart

Band 5+: Describe the bar chart and compare the main features where relevant

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The image is a bar graph depicting "Undergraduates Year 1: average pass rates" for various fields of study in 2008 and 2012. In 2008, Business had a 70% pass rate, Computer Science 40%, Health Sciences 55%, Humanities 45%, Maths and Engineering 35%, and Science 40%. In 2012, Business had an 80% pass rate, Computer Science 45%, Health Sciences 60%, Humanities 50%, Maths and Engineering 40%, and Science 45%.

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The bar chart illustrates average pass rates of academic disciplines of undergraduates in 2008 and 2012.

Overall it is clear that every aspect rose in percentage over the four year apart from health sciences.

In 2008, undergraduates who passed business accounted for approximately 23 percent. This amount soared roughly into 52 percent in 2012. As for computer science, it stayed 70 percent in 2008 and increased dramatically to about 84 percent in 2012, making it the most popular among academic disciplines. Health sciences showed a good percentage which was slightly above 40 percent in 2008; however, this result remained the same in 2012.

As for humanities, it was minor academic discipline accounting for about 4 and 14 percent in 2008 and 2012, respectively. Percentage of undergraduates who passed maths and engineering was slightly under 40 percent in 2008. Over the time, the figure rised drammaticaly to about 60 percent. Finally, percentage of science-passing undergraduates accounted for approximately 27 percent in 2008, and experienced a drammatic rise roughly to 48 percent.

Word Count: 170

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

percent: 10

undergraduates: 4

percentage: 4

academic: 3

about: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to describe the bar chart, but there are significant inaccuracies in the data reported. The overall trends are not clearly identified, and the description of individual categories contains major errors. To improve, focus on accurately representing the data and highlighting the key trends and comparisons between the years and disciplines.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report has some issues with coherence and cohesion. The overall structure is present, but the details within each paragraph sometimes lack a clear connection to the main point. The use of cohesive devices could be improved to create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas. For example, the shift between discussing business and computer science feels abrupt. Paragraphing is generally adequate, but could be refined to group related ideas more effectively.

Lexical Resource

The report demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, using 'soared' and 'dramatically' repeatedly weakens the impact. Consider using synonyms to add variety and sophistication. The vocabulary is generally appropriate for the task, but there's room for improvement in using more nuanced language to describe the trends and comparisons.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains grammatical errors that affect clarity. There are issues with verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Sentence structure is generally simple, and while this aids in clarity to some extent, it also limits the expression of more complex relationships between the data. Focus on proofreading carefully for grammatical errors and experimenting with a wider range of sentence structures to improve grammatical accuracy and range.

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