Bar Chart

Band 5+: The bar chart below shows a survey of a group of young professionals aged 20—30 years who were asked to state which factors motivated them to succeed. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. You should write at least 150 words.

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Image for topic: The bar chart below shows a survey of a group of young professionals aged 20—30 years who were asked to state which factors motivated them to succeed. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. You should write at least 150 words.

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The image displays a bar graph titled "Factors motivating people to succeed," listing motivations with associated percentages: Fear of failure 60%, Envy/jealousy 40%, Rivalry 45%, Personal satisfaction 75%, Family pressure 65%, Peer pressure 30%, Ambition 50%, Money 55%, Pressure from society 50%, Desire for material things 55%, Feeling inadequate 35%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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Overall, the graph shows that internal factors for achievement are significantly more powerful than external factors, as evidenced by the number of factors accounted for.

Personal satisfaction and ambition are the leading factors in motivating people to succeed, accounting for 80%. Next, family pressure hails at around 70% whereas pressure from society falls just below at 60%. Furthermore, rivalry, together with the desire for material things, stand at 50%.

In contrast, money and peer pressure only amount to approximately 45% with feeling inadequate dropping to about 32%. Envy amounts to 30% and fear of failure, the back marker, holds just about 25%

Word Count: 102

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

factors: 4

pressure: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report identifies some key features of the graph but contains inaccuracies in the data reported. The organization is present but could be improved. To improve, ensure the data cited is accurate and consider grouping similar data points together for a more coherent analysis. The report falls short of the required 150 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report presents a generally clear overview of the data. However, the organization could be improved for better flow. Consider grouping similar factors together and using more precise language to connect ideas. For example, instead of simply stating percentages, try comparing and contrasting them more explicitly to highlight the differences and similarities between the motivations.

Lexical Resource

The report demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary suitable for the task. To enhance the lexical resource, consider using synonyms and more varied phrasing to describe the motivations and their impact. For example, instead of repeatedly using 'factors,' explore alternative terms like 'drivers,' 'motivators,' or 'influences.' Also, be careful about the accuracy of the data reported.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains some grammatical errors and inaccuracies in data reporting that affect clarity. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and accurate reporting of the percentages from the graph. For instance, ensure that the percentages mentioned align with the data provided in the bar chart. Proofreading carefully can help identify and correct these errors.

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