Multiple Graphs

Band 4+: The chart and graph below give information about three categories of workers in Australia and the unemployment levels within those groups. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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Image for topic: The chart and graph below give information about three categories of workers in Australia and the unemployment levels within those groups. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The image displays two graphs related to the workforce and unemployment in Australia categorized by place of birth. The top pie chart shows the workforce distribution in 2003, with 70% born in Australia, 24% non-English speaking country-born (NESC), and 6% English-speaking country-born (ESC) workers. The bottom line graph depicts unemployment rates from 1993 to 2003, with Australia's rate decreasing from around 7.5% to just under 5%, ESC-born workers decreasing from roughly 6.5% to 4%, and NESC-born workers decreasing from approximately 8% to 5%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The given pie chart compares three categories of workers in Australian based on the percentage of total employment by Sector in 2009, while the line chart illustrates the proprtion of unemployment in Australia at 2-year intervals.

Looking at the illustration, it is immediately evident that Born in Australian recorded the greatest percentage of employment by Sector and ESC recorded the lowest percentage of employment, while 1993 recorded the highest figure for Unemployment in Australia in most year as well as ESC recorded the shortest figure.

Additionally, most subject surveyed showed an overall downward trend.

In 2009, the proportion of borning in Australia dominated the chart at exactly 70%, while NESC ranked in second at approxinately 14%, which was roughly 4% higher than the percentage of ESC (10%).

In 2003, despite some fluctuations, NESC experienced an substantial decrease, but continued to register the biggest proportion in the chart at roughly 30%, the percentage of Australia, ESC, which declined to a low of 20%, 15% respectively.

Word Count: 164

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
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Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

percentage: 5

chart: 4

australia: 4

recorded: 4

employment: 3

while: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task but contains significant inaccuracies and misunderstandings of the data presented in the graphs. The years mentioned are incorrect (2009 instead of 2003 in the pie chart description, and misinterpretation of the line graph's timeframe). The percentages cited are also inaccurate, and there's confusion in identifying which group had the highest or lowest unemployment rates. The writing lacks clarity and coherence, making it difficult to follow the intended comparisons. To improve, focus on accurately reading and interpreting the data, using correct time references, and ensuring the percentages cited match the visual information. Practice organizing the report with a clear overview, specific details, and relevant comparisons.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates some attempt at organization, but the flow of information is not always logical. The introduction could be more precise in stating what the charts illustrate. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are weak, making it difficult for the reader to follow the comparisons being made. For instance, the connection between the pie chart and the line graph is not clearly established. Improve coherence by using clearer transition words and phrases to link ideas and ensure each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the data.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is somewhat limited and occasionally inaccurate. For example, using 'subject surveyed' is not the most appropriate way to describe the data categories. There are also instances of imprecise language, such as 'shortest figure.' To improve, focus on using more precise vocabulary related to data analysis and trends. Consider using synonyms for common words and phrases to demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. There are issues with verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Sentence structure is often awkward, making it difficult to understand the intended meaning. For example, the sentence 'In 2003, despite some fluctuations, NESC experienced an substantial decrease, but continued to register the biggest proportion in the chart at roughly 30%, the percentage of Australia, ESC, which declined to a low of 20%, 15% respectively' is confusing and grammatically incorrect. To improve, carefully proofread your work for grammatical errors and focus on constructing clear and concise sentences. Practice using a variety of sentence structures to enhance the overall quality of your writing.

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