Bar Chart

Band 6+: the chart below shows the number of people employed in five type of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008

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The image presents a bar chart comparing numbers of people employed in sales, accounting, computing, nursing, and farming within one Australian region in 2001 and 2008: sales- 2001: approximately 155, 2008: approximately 170; accounting- 2001: approximately 70, 2008: approximately 80; computing- 2001: approximately 40, 2008: approximately 130; nursing- 2001: approximately 55, 2008: approximately 75; farming- 2001: approximately 25, 2008: approximately 15.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The chart provides information about the number of hired workers in different types of job on one region in Australia from 2001 to 2008.

Overall, the number of individuals who work on sales, computing, and nursing increased, whereas the converse was true for accounting and farming. Notably, the sales sector was the largest employer in both years, while farming had the fewest workers.

Focusing on upward trends, in 2001, sales was dominated job market with 160,000 employees, then this number increased and reach a peak at around 175,000 in 2008. Similarly,compiting sector witnessed the most significant growth starting at 60,000 in 2001 to 90,000. An upward trend was also observed nursing. There was 40,000 workers at the beginning of the period, which was followed by a steady rise to 60,000 in 2008.

By contrast, the number of people working in accounting fell from 60,000 to 40,000 over the period. Farmimg had the smallest workforce in both years, the number of individuals who work in this sector almost halved during the period.

Word Count: 171

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

number: 5

sales: 3

sector: 3

60000: 3

period: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report adequately covers the requirements of the task, presenting the main trends and key data points from the bar chart. However, there are some inaccuracies in the data reported (e.g., computing sector numbers are off), and some areas could be more detailed. To improve, ensure data accuracy by double-checking figures and consider adding more specific comparisons or details to enhance the analysis.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is generally coherent, with a clear overview and attempts to group information logically. However, the flow could be improved with better use of cohesive devices and more precise paragraphing. For instance, the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to enhance clarity.

Lexical Resource

The report demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there are opportunities to use more precise and sophisticated language. For example, instead of repeatedly using 'number increased,' try varying the phrasing with synonyms like 'grew,' 'rose,' or 'expanded.' Also, be mindful of using the correct terminology for describing trends and data. Enhancing the specificity of your vocabulary will improve the overall quality of the report. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, there are issues with verb tense consistency ('sales was dominated' should be 'sales dominated'), subject-verb agreement ('compiting sector witnessed' should be 'computing sector witnessed'), and article usage ('observed nursing' should be 'observed in nursing'). Additionally, there are some awkward phrasings and sentence structure issues. Reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction will help improve accuracy. Proofreading carefully before submitting your report is also essential.

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