Pie Chart

Band 6+: The chart below shows the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. (nguồn ielts-exam.net).

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Image for topic: The chart below shows the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. (nguồn ielts-exam.net).

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The image shows a pie chart comparing what makes people most happy by age group: under and over 30 years old. For people under 30, traveling (26%), having a good appearance (21%), and doing hobbies (15%) are the top three, while for people over 30, financial security (32%), achievement at work (24%), and doing hobbies (24%) are the top three. Other factors like doing sports, having a good appearance, and free time for relaxation have less impact on happiness for both age groups.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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Note: Both the topic and the answer were created by one of our users.

The two pie charts illustrate that the results of a survey showing what makes people most happy in two different age groups and people under 30 and people over 30.

Overall, it can be seen that achievement at work is the main source of the happiness for both groups, while having a good appearance is the least important factor. Another noticeable difference is that older people care about money more than younger people.

Looking first at people under 30, Achievement at work makes up the largest share, at 31%. This is followed by doing hobbies, which account for 22%. Having a good appearance and traveling contribute 18% and 15% respectively. Other factors are the smallest category for this group, representing only 14% of their happiness.

In contrast, among people over 30, achievement at work remains the top factor, increasing slightly to 34%. Financial security becomes more significant at 20%. Meanwhile, the proportion for doing hobbies increases to 24%, and being with family drops to 14%. There is the least increase in other factors in this age group, at around 30%.

Word Count: 180

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 6

achievement: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report generally addresses the requirements of the task, but there are inaccuracies in the data reported from the pie charts. For example, the report states that achievement at work makes up the largest share for people under 30 at 31%, but the visual description states that traveling (26%) is the top factor for this age group. Similarly, the report mentions that having a good appearance and traveling contribute 18% and 15% respectively, but the visual description states 21% and 26% respectively. These inaccuracies detract from the task achievement. To improve, ensure that the data reported is accurate and reflects the information presented in the pie charts.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is generally coherent, but the organization could be improved. The overview is somewhat inaccurate and doesn't effectively summarize the key trends. The body paragraphs present data, but the connections between them could be stronger. Consider focusing on the most significant differences and similarities between the two age groups to create a clearer narrative.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate but could be more precise and varied. There's some repetition of phrases like 'achievement at work' and 'doing hobbies.' Try to incorporate synonyms or rephrase ideas to demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary. For example, instead of repeatedly using 'achievement at work,' you could use phrases like 'career success' or 'professional accomplishments.'

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors and inaccuracies in data reporting. For example, the report states that 'achievement at work is the main source of happiness for both groups,' which is not entirely accurate based on the provided data. Also, the percentages mentioned in the body paragraphs do not always align with the information in the pie charts. Ensure that the data is accurately represented and that sentences are grammatically correct.

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