Pie Chart

Band 5+: The charts below describe 4 sector of employment, in 2009 and 2020,in two towns.

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Image for topic: The charts below describe 4 sector of employment, in 2009 and 2020,in two towns.

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The image presents employment data by sector for two towns (A and B) for the years 2009 and 2020 using pie charts. In Town A, 2009 data shows Manufacturing: 60%, Hospitality: 15%, Engineering: 17%, Teaching: 9%, while 2020 data shows Manufacturing: 60%, Hospitality: 20%, Engineering: 8%, Teaching: 11%. In Town B, 2009 data shows Manufacturing: 40%, Hospitality: 35%, Engineering: 15%, Teaching: 10%, while 2020 data shows Manufacturing: 25%, Hospitality: 20%, Engineering: 20%, Teaching: 35%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The pie chart gives information about four aspects of employment – teaching, hospitality, engineering and manufacturing in two different towns. It explains the change in employment in 2009 and 2020.

In 2009, town A had 20% in manufacturing department, hospitality department holding up to 11%, engineering having 60% and teaching 9%. On the other hand, town B had the highest percentage in manufacturing but had the lowest in teaching department. In contrast, town A had more workers employed in engineering than town B however town B had the highest number of people employed in manufacturing.

Moving to 2020, there has been quite some changes. The manufacturing department had skyrocketed the chart in town A but town B’s manufacturing department had plummeted. In addition, the engineering team had a negative change as town A has declined drastically while town B is static. Furthermore, the teaching aspect reduced slightly in town A but rose slightly in town B.

In all, there had been some changes in the departments in the two years as the engineering departments reaching their peak while the teaching aspect increasing slightly.

Word Count: 183

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

teaching: 5

engineering: 5

manufacturing: 5

department: 5

slightly: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task but contains significant inaccuracies in the data, which detracts from the overall achievement. The organization is present but could be improved with a clearer overview and more logical grouping of information. To improve, focus on accurately representing the data and structuring the report with a clear introduction, body paragraphs comparing the data, and a concise conclusion.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report's organization is somewhat unclear, and the progression of ideas could be smoother. The introduction is adequate, but the body paragraphs lack clear topic sentences to guide the reader. Transitions between paragraphs and sentences are not always logical, making it difficult to follow the changes between 2009 and 2020 in both towns. The conclusion is weak and doesn't effectively summarize the key trends or provide a clear overview. To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on structuring each paragraph around a central idea, using clear transitions, and providing a more comprehensive conclusion.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, which limits the depth of the analysis. There is a lack of precise language to describe the changes and trends in employment sectors. For example, using more specific terms to describe increases, decreases, and stability would enhance the report. To improve lexical resource, try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary related to trends and comparisons, and avoid repeating the same words and phrases.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. There are issues with verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Sentence structures are simple and lack complexity, which limits the ability to express more nuanced relationships between the data. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using a variety of sentence structures, paying attention to verb tenses and subject-verb agreement, and proofreading carefully for errors.

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