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Band 6+: The number and the purpose of trips made by men and women in a certain European country in 2007

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The image shows the number and purposes of trips made by men and women in a certain European country in 2007: Day trip: Men 50, Women 40; Sports/entertainment: Men 70, Women 60; Visiting friends: Men 150, Women 150; Shopping: Men 100, Women 150; Travelling to work: Men 250, Women 300.

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The bar chart compares the different trip made by males and females in a certain European country in 2007. Units are given in numbers.

Overall, travelling to work was popular among men, while most of the women preferred shopping. However, both genders were less active in a day trip.

To start with, men made the highest number of trips for work, at almost 350, compared with approximately 210 trips made by women. In contrast, trips for shopping were popular among females, made up around 270 trips, which more than men’s, whose stood at 180 shopping trips.

Turning to other categories, most of the women loved visiting friends, they undertook around 210 trips to friends, yet men made a bit less, made up almost 200 journeys. Regardin sports or entertainment were also common options for both genders, but men conducted more movement by around 20 than women, accounting for 280 trips. Finally, for both group a day trip was less common journey type, making 30 by males and 20 by females.

Word Count: 170

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

trips: 6

women: 4

females: 3

shopping: 3

around: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task but contains inaccuracies and some misinterpretations of the data. The organization is present, but the data reporting needs improvement. To improve, focus on accurately representing the data from the chart and avoid exaggerations or misstatements. Also, ensure that comparisons are precise and supported by the data.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates an adequate attempt to organize the information, but there are some inconsistencies in paragraphing and flow. The overall structure is present, with an introduction, overview, and detailed paragraphs, but transitions between sentences and ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift between discussing work trips and shopping trips could be more clearly linked. Consider using transition words or phrases to guide the reader more effectively.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there's room for improvement in terms of variety and precision. Some phrases are a bit repetitive or could be expressed more concisely. For instance, instead of saying 'made up around 270 trips,' you could use a more precise term like 'accounted for approximately 270 trips.' Expanding your range of vocabulary and using more specific language will enhance the clarity and impact of your writing. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors and phrasing issues that affect clarity. For example, 'men made the highest number of trips for work, at almost 350, compared with approximately 210 trips made by women' could be rephrased for better clarity and grammatical correctness. Similarly, 'Regardin sports or entertainment were also common options' contains a grammatical error ('Regardin' should be 'Regarding' and 'were' should be 'was'). Focus on improving sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and correct use of prepositions to enhance the accuracy of your writing.

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