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Band 6+: The number and the purpose of trips made by men and women in a certain European country in 2007

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The image shows the number and purposes of trips made by men and women in a certain European country in 2007: Day trip: Men 50, Women 40; Sports/entertainment: Men 70, Women 60; Visiting friends: Men 150, Women 150; Shopping: Men 100, Women 150; Travelling to work: Men 250, Women 300.

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The bar chart illustrates the number and the aim of travels made by males and females in one European country in 2007. Overall, figures of males exceed those of females in day trips, for sports or entertainment and job travels, with the exception of journeys for visiting friends and for shopping, where the opposite pattern was observed. Additionally, the highest figure of females was reached in the shopping category, while men’s highest number was in travelling for work. Day trips were less common in terms of preferences for both genders.

Men minimally dominated the day trip. Around 40 of males compared to 25 of females. Regarding journeys for entertainment or sport, the number of men accounted for around 140, while there were slightly fewer women (roughly 130). Travelling to work category shows a clear domination by men (330), while the number of women lagged far behind (210).

Turning to the trips where figures of females exceeded, in travels for visiting friends a gap was minimal, with 210 and 190 for females and males, respectively. The last category of shopping depicted numbers dominated by women, with respective figures of 270 and 180.

Word Count: 191

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

females: 6

number: 4

males: 4

travels: 3

figures: 3

trips: 3

shopping: 3

category: 3

while: 3

women: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the task but contains some inaccuracies and inconsistencies in the data reported. The organization is generally clear, but the data description could be more precise and accurate. To improve, focus on accurately representing the data from the chart and avoid introducing inconsistencies. Also, ensure that comparisons are clear and supported by the data.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates an adequate overview and clear progression of ideas, but the organization could be improved. The structure feels somewhat repetitive, especially in the detailed descriptions of each category. Consider grouping categories with similar trends together to enhance flow and avoid redundancy. For example, discuss the categories where men exceeded women first, then transition to those where women exceeded men. Also, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied and natural.

Lexical Resource

The report uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey the information, but there's room for improvement in precision and sophistication. Some phrases are a bit generic (e.g., 'the opposite pattern was observed'). Try to incorporate more specific and nuanced vocabulary related to trends and comparisons. For instance, instead of 'figures of males exceed those of females,' you could use 'males outnumbered females' or 'a higher proportion of males undertook...'. Also, be careful about using approximate numbers; ensure they are reasonably accurate based on the chart.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report demonstrates a reasonable command of grammar, but there are noticeable errors that affect clarity. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and accurate preposition usage. For example, in the second paragraph, the numbers provided do not match the original data. Proofread carefully to eliminate these errors. Vary sentence structure to improve flow and readability.

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