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Band 4+: The table below gives information about the percentage of workforce employed in six industries in Australia between 1989 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

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Image for topic: The table below gives information about the percentage of workforce employed in six industries in Australia between 1989 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

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The image shows a table comparing industry percentages between 1989 and 2009: Manufacturing 15% to 9.8%; Retail 11.8% to 10.1%; Health care 9.6% to 11.3%; Construction 7.6% to 8.3%; Education 6.8% to 7.5%; Tourism 5.5% to 7.3%.

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The table illustrate the percentage of workforce employes in the year 1989 and 2009 in different factories of australia .

At a first glance , it can be seen that the percentage of workforce employes are in uptrend in most of the industries . while , few industries has decline of workforce employers.

Looking at the percentage of manufacturing industries it has decrease percentage of employers brtween the year 1989 to 2009 which accounting from 15 % to 9.8 % . Retail industrie has increase percentage of 11.8 % to 10.1 % . Looking to healthcare industrie it percentage of employers has also grow up from 9.6 % to 11.3 % . following the trend construction industrie has a rise percentage from 7.6 % to 8.3 %.

In contrast , education industrie has also level up in percentage which is 6.8% to 7.55 . comming to the last industrie of the table which is tourism and the percentage rise of this industire is 5.5% to 7.3 % .

Summary , there is a gradually increase in most of the industries between 1989 to 2009 of workforce employers .

Word Count: 188

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

percentage: 9

industrie: 5

workforce: 4

industries: 4

employers: 3

which: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report generally addresses the requirements of the task, but there are some inaccuracies in the data reported. The structure is present, but the language needs improvement to enhance clarity and coherence. To improve, focus on accurately representing the data and using more precise language to describe trends and comparisons.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report lacks clear organization and paragraphing. The flow of information is disjointed, making it difficult to follow the main trends and comparisons. Improve coherence by grouping related information together and using transition words to connect ideas. For example, you could dedicate a paragraph to industries that experienced growth and another to those that declined. The summary is too general and doesn't effectively encapsulate the key trends.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive. There's a reliance on phrases like 'percentage of workforce employes' and 'industrie,' which could be varied for better impact. Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to describe trends (e.g., 'increased significantly,' 'remained relatively stable,' 'experienced a slight decrease'). Avoid direct repetition of words and phrases by using synonyms. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and misuse of articles and prepositions. Sentence structure is often awkward and unclear. Focus on improving basic grammar skills and sentence construction. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors before submitting your report. For example, 'The table illustrate' should be 'The table illustrates,' and 'Retail industrie has increase percentage' should be 'The retail industry saw an increase in percentage'.

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