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Band 7+: The table below gives information about the percentage of workforce employed in six industries in Australia between 1989 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

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Image for topic: The table below gives information about the percentage of workforce employed in six industries in Australia between 1989 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

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The image shows a table comparing industry percentages between 1989 and 2009: Manufacturing 15% to 9.8%; Retail 11.8% to 10.1%; Health care 9.6% to 11.3%; Construction 7.6% to 8.3%; Education 6.8% to 7.5%; Tourism 5.5% to 7.3%.

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The table illustrates the proportion of employers who worked in six different sections in Australia from 1989 to 2009.

Overall, there was a decrease in manufacturing and retail, while the opposite was true for the remaining industries. In addition, tourism remained the lowest percentages throughout the period.

Regarding the rising categories, manufacturing recorded the highest rate of employees in 1989, at 15%, after which it witnessed a dramatic decline to 9.8% in 2009. A similar pattern, but to a smaller extent, was seen in the figure for retail, which decreased from 11.8% to 10.1%.

Concerning the other sectors, 9.6% of workers worked in healthcare in 1989, which was 2% higher than that of construction. After that, these shares rose significantly to 11.3% and 8.3% in 2009. Similarly, the percentages of people in education and tourism accounted for 6.8% and 5.5%, followed by a marginal growth to 7.5% and 7.3%, respectively.

Word Count: 150

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Overall Band Score

7.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
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Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

which: 3

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Task Response

The report effectively summarizes the information, highlighting key trends and making relevant comparisons. The overview is clear, and the body paragraphs provide sufficient detail. To improve, consider using more precise language and avoiding slight inaccuracies in data reporting. For example, instead of saying 'manufacturing recorded the highest rate of employees,' specify that it had the highest percentage at the start of the period. Also, ensure all data points mentioned are completely accurate.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is generally well-organized with a clear overview and supporting paragraphs. The information is presented logically, and the use of cohesive devices is adequate. However, there's room for improvement in linking ideas more smoothly and ensuring each paragraph has a distinct focus. Consider using more varied transition words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.

Lexical Resource

The report demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, appropriate for the task. Terms like 'dramatic decline,' 'similar pattern,' and 'marginal growth' are effectively used. To further enhance the lexical resource, try incorporating more specific vocabulary related to employment trends and economic sectors. Also, ensure that word choices are consistently precise and avoid any potential ambiguity.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report exhibits a good command of grammar with a variety of sentence structures. There are only minor grammatical errors. To improve further, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, correct use of articles, and precise preposition usage. Proofreading carefully can help eliminate these minor errors and enhance the overall clarity and impact of the writing.

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