Letter

Band 5+: You are part of a group of musicians who meet on Tuesday and Friday evenings to practise in the community hall. You have been told, however, that it is no longer possible for the group to use the hall. Write a letter to the manager. In the letter: describe what the group does explain why the group is good for the community suggest alternative days and times for practice You should write at least 150 words.

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Dear Sir or Madam

I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing to express what our group doing and benefits for the community from a long-term perspective.

Firstly, our group plays not only traditional music but also shows the original culture through performances. For instance, when we have been to Korea, we made choreographies following Taekwondo. As a result, we won the competition and I believe that this idea inspired other audiences.

Therefore, it would yield significant benefits to the community economy and promoting if we collaborate during the festival. To be honest, we do not have much time to practise due to the space where we prepare.

In conclusion, I would happy if we you offered more times for practice. Additionally, I would appreciate it if you allowed to research the cultural identity for our choreographies.

Thank you for this matter and I look forward your prompt receipt.

Yours Sincerely, Jihoon Jeong

Word Count: 155

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

would: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The letter attempts to address the task but includes irrelevant information and struggles to clearly explain the group's activities and their benefit to the community. The suggested alternative times are missing. Key points are vague and the connection to the prompt is weak. To improve, focus on directly addressing each point in the task instructions with clear and specific details. Ensure the letter is well-organized and easy to understand.

Coherence & Cohesion

The letter's organization is somewhat unclear, and the transitions between ideas could be smoother. The purpose of the letter is not immediately clear, and the points are not presented in a logical order. For example, the explanation of what the group does and its benefits to the community are mixed together. To improve coherence, clearly state the purpose of your letter in the introduction, dedicate separate paragraphs to each main point (description of the group, benefits to the community, and suggested alternatives), and use transitional phrases to connect ideas between paragraphs.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is generally adequate, but there's room for improvement in terms of precision and variety. Some phrases are a bit generic. To enhance your lexical resource, try to use more specific and descriptive language related to music, community benefits, and scheduling. For example, instead of 'doing,' use 'performing' or 'rehearsing.' Instead of 'good for the community,' specify the benefits, such as 'enhances local culture' or 'provides recreational opportunities.'

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The letter contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. There are issues with verb tense ('what our group doing'), subject-verb agreement ('group plays'), and sentence structure. To improve grammatical accuracy, carefully proofread your work for common errors. Focus on using correct verb tenses, ensuring subject-verb agreement, and constructing clear and complete sentences. Consider using a wider range of sentence structures to add complexity and sophistication to your writing.

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