Letter

Band 6+: You recently bought a new gadget online, but it arrived damaged. Write a letter to your friend. You should include: • What gadget you bought and from where • What was wrong with it when it arrived • How it made you feel • What your friend could do if they were in your place

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Note: Both the topic and the answer were created by one of our users.

Dear Jashan,

I just wanted to let you know that the laptop which I ordered for you from BestBuy last week, is delivered. But when I opened the package and turned it on, it had flickering lines on the screen. I got so frustrated because I know you need it urgent but that’s what happened. However, I’ll send it back and get a new one from the local store to handle the situation. I don’t even know if the shop here would have a good piece here.

I’m sorry for this but this wasn’t in my hands and I don’t want to argue with the BestBuy customer service now please. I know if I were you, I’d have just exploded on them. Can we receive the replacement in a short time from them? I’m not sure but I’ll ask them. Let me know if there’s any change in the plan and I’m pretty excited to see you here and have fun.

Take care,

Birinder

Word Count: 164

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
A1 - Beginner
Aim to use more advanced language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:
No noticeable repetition! Great job!

Task Response

The letter addresses all the requirements of the task, but there are some minor areas for improvement. The tone is generally appropriate, but could be more consistently friendly and empathetic. The letter could benefit from a clearer explanation of how the situation made you feel and more specific suggestions for what your friend could do. For example, you could suggest they research alternative models or stores while waiting for the replacement. Also, the letter contains some language errors.

Coherence & Cohesion

The letter is generally coherent, but the organization could be improved to better address the task requirements. Consider dedicating a paragraph to each of the bullet points provided in the task. This will enhance clarity and ensure all aspects are fully addressed. For example, you could have a paragraph detailing the gadget and where you bought it, another describing the damage, a third on your feelings, and a final one on what your friend could do. Also, the flow between some sentences feels a bit disjointed; using cohesive devices more effectively would help. For instance, transitions like 'In addition,' 'Therefore,' or 'However' can smooth the connections between ideas.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is adequate for the task, but there's room for improvement in terms of variety and sophistication. While the language is functional, incorporating more precise and descriptive words could enhance the impact of your message. For example, instead of saying 'flickering lines,' you could describe the issue more vividly, such as 'severe pixel damage causing distorted lines.' Also, try to avoid repetitive phrases; look for synonyms to express similar ideas in different ways. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The letter contains several grammatical errors and phrasing issues that affect clarity. While the overall meaning is understandable, these errors can distract the reader and impede effective communication. Focus on improving sentence structure, verb tense consistency, and correct use of articles and prepositions. For example, the sentence 'I got so frustrated because I know you need it urgent but that's what happened' could be revised for better clarity and grammar. Proofreading carefully before submitting your writing can help identify and correct these errors.

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