Letter

Band 4+: You recently purchased a mobile phone from an online store, but it arrived with a cracked screen and a faulty battery. Write a letter to the customer service department of the online store complaining about the damaged phone. You should include details about: - The date you purchased the phone and order number - Describe the damage to the phone and its faulty battery - What action you expect them to take (e.g., a refund or a replacement)

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Dear Apple Manager,

I am writing to this letter to inform about my mobile phone problem.

My name is Aye Thinzar Oo.I ordered iphone 17 pro-max from apple official website on 22nd June 2026 and it was delivered 2 days later.I purchased it with my credit card and i bought for my husband’s bithday present.When i recived the package,we did unboxing and i gave him as suprise gift because my husband is a iphone lover.Unfortunately,he is not able to turn on power and the screen is cracked.

I am very disappointed for this case and i called apple’s customer service but they didn’t pick up my phone.Therefore, i wrote this letter and i will pack and where should i return.Please give me the return address and i want to know how to solve my problem.I really appreciate if you promt reply because this is very expensive phone.

Sincerly,

Aye Thinar Oo

Word Count: 151

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:
No noticeable repetition! Great job!

Task Response

The letter addresses all three requirements of the task: the date of purchase is mentioned, the damage is described, and a request for action is made. The response is relevant and follows a logical progression. However, to improve the score, the candidate should focus on the clarity and precision of the 'action' requested. While asking for a return address is good, the letter would be stronger if it explicitly stated a desired outcome, such as a full refund or a replacement device. Additionally, improving grammatical accuracy (e.g., 'I am writing this letter to inform you about...' instead of 'I am writing to this letter to inform about...') and punctuation (ensuring spaces after periods) would enhance the overall professional tone.

Coherence & Cohesion

The letter follows the required structure by addressing all three bullet points, which helps the reader follow the narrative. However, the flow is somewhat disjointed due to short, choppy sentences and a lack of sophisticated cohesive devices. To improve, try using more varied linking words (e.g., 'Furthermore,' 'Consequently,' or 'As a result') to connect your ideas more smoothly rather than relying on simple conjunctions like 'and' or 'but'.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is functional and allows the message to be understood, but it is quite basic and repetitive. There are also several spelling errors (e.g., 'bithday', 'recived', 'suprise', 'promt', 'Sincerly'). To reach a higher band, aim to use more precise and formal vocabulary suitable for a complaint letter, such as 'defective' instead of 'problem', 'unforeseen damage' instead of 'cracked', or 'expedite' instead of 'solve my problem'.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the text, particularly with article usage (e.g., 'an iPhone' instead of 'a iphone'), capitalization (e.g., 'i' instead of 'I'), and sentence structure (e.g., 'I am writing to this letter to inform about my mobile phone problem'). There are also issues with verb tense and phrasing (e.g., 'he is not able to turn on power'). Focus on mastering basic sentence structures, subject-verb agreement, and the correct use of articles and pronouns to ensure clarity and professionalism.

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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Coherence & Cohesion

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