Opinion

Band 4+: Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful, but they are also likely to suffer from negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is believed by some public that long spend working hour are more economically benefit. Conversely, some people argue that Although it has economically development, it can lead to negative consequence on society. So from my perspective I clearly disagree with this statement because of working long period at work place attribute several affect such as unemployment, poor health, family relationship and more.

Initially, there are many reasons why it can bring drawbacks on the community. Firstly, as people have to duty more hours, they do not get much time to spend with their family, friends and do physical activities. Therefore, they unable to balance healthy lifestyle and good relationship with family. Secondly, everyone desires to enjoy their life by visiting new place with their friends and making fun moments, which refresh their mind and build social bonding, so they can find the meaning of life. However, as they have to work long time period that is why they do not get these kind of opportunities. as a result they are demotivated and upset to work.

In addition, companies that require longer working hours have less employee as people are unwilling to work more hours. so definitely unemployment will be increased, which detrimentally impact on society. Moreover, people who work long term shift they are not productive owing to stress and unenergetic during long duty. Consequently, they struggle with job satisfaction and sometime fired from job.

To sum up, although long term shift can economically develop to the people, it can contribute negative applications on the nation. so from my opinion government should take steps to constrain working hours, which is necessary for employees.

Word Count: 274

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 5

working: 4

hours: 4

their: 4

economically: 3

family: 3

which: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, but the development of ideas is inconsistent and sometimes lacks logical clarity. While the writer identifies several social consequences (family relationships, health, and unemployment), the connection between long working hours and increased unemployment is not sufficiently explained or logically supported. For example, the argument that companies have fewer employees because people are unwilling to work more hours is a weak link that requires more nuanced development to be convincing. To improve, focus on the following: 1. **Logical Development**: Ensure that every claim is backed by a clear, logical chain of reasoning. Instead of jumping to 'unemployment,' explain how burnout or health issues might lead to job loss or labor shortages. 2. **Clarity of Argument**: Avoid repetitive phrasing. Some ideas, such as the lack of time for family and friends, are repeated across different sentences without adding new depth. 3. **Precision in Vocabulary and Grammar**: Work on using more precise academic vocabulary (e.g., instead of 'making fun moments,' use 'engaging in recreational activities') and ensure subject-verb agreement to improve the flow of ideas.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes interrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. While you use transition words like 'Initially', 'Firstly', and 'In addition', they are not always used effectively to link complex ideas. To improve, focus on ensuring that each sentence flows logically into the next and that your cohesive devices (linking words) are used naturally rather than just at the start of sentences.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is somewhat limited and often repetitive (e.g., 'long working hours', 'long time period'). There are several instances of incorrect word choices, such as 'economically benefit' instead of 'economically beneficial', 'negative applications' instead of 'negative impacts', and 'duty more hours' instead of 'work more hours'. To improve, try to learn collocations (words that naturally go together) and use a wider variety of synonyms to avoid repetition.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay that occasionally make it difficult to understand the intended meaning. Issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'this often have'), missing verbs (e.g., 'they unable to'), and incorrect sentence structures. There is also a lack of control over complex sentence forms. I recommend focusing on fundamental grammar rules, such as verb tenses, sentence construction, and the use of articles, to ensure your ideas are communicated clearly.

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Band 4+: Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful, but they are also likely to suffer from negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Coherence & Cohesion

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Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful, but they are also likely to suffer from negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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