Opinion

Band 7+: Gender equality has not been achieved in our society. Women still do not have the same rights and opportunities as men. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Numerous advancements have been achieved in gender equality over the last decades, with some countries having already achieved equality between men and women. However, some people believe that women do not have the same rights and opportunities than men in modern society. I completely agree with this perspective because the widespread ideology of chauvinism considers that women should not work and study and should stay at home with their families.

Chauvinism considers that women should not work and study; consequently, they are not given the same opportunities to develop in society. Educational institutions are influenced by chauvinistic views because they do not encourage gender equality in all subjects and fields of study. Sociological research globally shows that a low percentage of women get involved in science, engeneering or politics in comparison with men. For instance, in some European countries where gender equality has significantly developed, such as Switzerland, men still outnumbered women in politics.

Moreover, while chauvinism discourages women from developing professionally, this ideology prefers that women stay at home to take care of their families. Women who obey this social mandate are highly valued by chauvinistic men in many countries, making women resignate their professional desires. Statistics studies have shown that very few women get jobs with high positions in management or work as scientists globally. There is a high percentage of women who quit their studies and dedicate their life to take care of their families due to discouragement in career development.

In conclusion, chauvinism considers that the right place for women is to stay at home and do not encourage them to work. Despite many advancements in gender equality, many educational institutions are influenced by chauvinistic views and do not promote equality enough. Governments should implement a social system with equal opportunities for all genders, leading to a society in which everyone has the same rights and opportunities to develop as citizens.

Word Count: 315

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Overall Band Score

7.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

women: 13

equality: 6

their: 6

gender: 4

opportunities: 4

should: 4

countries: 3

society: 3

chauvinism: 3

considers: 3

chauvinistic: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay provides a clear and well-developed position that directly addresses the prompt. The writer uses the concept of 'chauvinism' as a central theme to explain why gender equality has not been achieved, which provides a cohesive logical thread throughout the response. The ideas are relevant and supported by examples, such as the mention of women's representation in politics and science. To reach a higher score, the development of ideas could be even more nuanced; for instance, instead of attributing all inequality to a single ideology, the writer could briefly acknowledge complex systemic or economic factors to add depth. Additionally, ensuring more precise vocabulary (e.g., avoiding 'resignate' which is not a standard English word, and using 'resign' or 'relinquish' instead) would polish the overall quality.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is well-structured, with a clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument: the first addressing educational/professional opportunities and the second addressing the domestic expectations placed on women. The use of cohesive devices like 'consequently', 'moreover', and 'for instance' is effective and helps the reader follow the logic. To reach a higher level, ensure that the transition between the idea of 'chauvinism' and the specific examples is even more seamless, perhaps by varying the sentence structures used to introduce evidence.

Lexical Resource

You demonstrate a good range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as 'chauvinism', 'social mandate', and 'gender equality'. However, there are some spelling and word choice errors that prevent a higher score. For example, 'engeneering' should be 'engineering', and 'resignate' is not the correct word in this context (perhaps 'renounce' or 'sacrifice' would be more appropriate). Additionally, 'Statistics studies' should be 'Statistical studies'. Aim for more precision in your word choices to ensure a more sophisticated tone. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay uses a variety of complex sentence structures, which is a strength. However, there are several grammatical inaccuracies that need attention. For example, 'the same rights and opportunities than men' should be 'the same rights and opportunities as men'. In the conclusion, 'do not encourage them' should be 'does not encourage them' to agree with the singular subject 'chauvinism'. There is also a tense inconsistency in 'men still outnumbered women' (should be 'outnumber' if referring to a general current state). Focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of comparative structures.

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Band 7+: Gender equality has not been achieved in our society. Women still do not have the same rights and opportunities as men. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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