Positive And Negative

Band 5+: Many cities replace farmlands and parks with houses. Is it a positive or negative development?

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In modern society, there is a tendency that most cities replace eco-friendly places with accomodation areas. This essay will discuss why this trend can be seen as a step backward.

To begin with, there are some obvious causes of the tendency. First of all, the housing prices have increased remarkably compared to the past. In Seoul, the capital of Korea, many people have gathered to this city. Therefore, the damand of houses surpassed the supply of them so the housing prices have doubled or trippled compared to 30 years ago. This made that people had to save their a lot of money to purchase their houses so that people cannot buy their houses easily. Plus, this situation have influenced to the increase of monthly rent. As a result, people should spend their money on accomodation and the city has tried to replace farmlands and parks with houses. Moreover, a lot of infrastructures such as shops, restaurants, and hotels constructed in most cities and it made needs of more houses. This is because they made many job opportunites so that people gathered to the cities. As a result, the supply of the houses cannot meet the demand of them so most cities tend to replace parks with resident areas.

Considering the reasons mentioned above, the trend towards replacing parks with houses is obviously damaging since it contributes to the desctruction of the environment. To begin with, eco-friendly places like parks and farmlands contribute to protection of the nature. To be specific, trees can contribute to the quality of cities’ atmosphere quality since trees can convert the bad air to clean air when they are breathing. Most city has bad air quality since there are a lot of vehicles on roads so that the air condition can be improved by preserving the parks. Also, many animals like pigeons and squirrels are living in the eco-friendly places that have many trees and plants. If the places are replaced, their habitants would be destroyed so that they should move to other regions.

In conclusion, it is important to construct more houses, however, it is more crutial to preserve the eco-friendly places.

Word Count: 357

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

houses: 8

places: 5

people: 5

their: 5

parks: 5

cities: 4

eco-friendly: 4

there: 3

replace: 3

since: 3

trees: 3

quality: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear position: that this trend is a negative development. The writer provides a logical explanation for why this is happening (housing demand) and then develops the argument for why it is negative (environmental impact). To improve the score, focus on the following: 1. **Task Response & Structure**: While you explained the *causes* of the trend in the first body paragraph, the prompt asks whether the development is *positive or negative*. While explaining the cause can provide context, ensure that the weight of your essay remains focused on evaluating the impact (the 'positive or negative' aspect) rather than just explaining why it happens. 2. **Idea Development**: Some ideas are slightly repetitive. For example, in the first paragraph, the connection between rising prices and the replacement of parks could be more direct. Instead of focusing heavily on the history of Seoul's prices, link it more quickly to the necessity of urban expansion into green spaces. 3. **Cohesion and Coherence**: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic sentence that directly relates to the prompt's question. 4. **Grammar and Vocabulary**: There are several minor grammatical errors (e.g., 'the damand', 'this situation have influenced to', 'habitants would be destroyed') and spelling mistakes ('accomodation', 'crutial'). Improving accuracy in subject-verb agreement and word choice will help elevate the overall quality.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. You have used transition signals like 'To begin with', 'Moreover', and 'In conclusion' to guide the reader. However, some cohesive devices are used repetitively, and the connection between ideas within sentences can sometimes feel forced or slightly disjointed due to phrasing issues. To improve, try to vary your linking words and ensure that each sentence flows naturally into the next without relying heavily on 'so that' or 'as a result'.

Lexical Resource

You have used a sufficient range of vocabulary to discuss the topic, such as 'demand and supply', 'infrastructure', and 'eco-friendly'. However, there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'accomodation', 'damand', 'trippled', 'desctruction', 'crutial') and some word choices are slightly unnatural (e.g., 'habitants' instead of 'habitats', 'air condition' instead of 'air quality'). Aim to expand your academic vocabulary and double-check the spelling of common words to ensure precision. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates an attempt to use complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede clarity. Issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'this situation have influenced'), incorrect preposition usage (e.g., 'influenced to'), and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'This made that people had to save their a lot of money'). Focus on mastering basic sentence structures and ensuring that complex sentences are grammatically sound. Pay close attention to article usage and the correct formation of relative clauses.

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