Opinion

Band 4+: Many people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences in earning between the richest and poorest members. What extent do you agree and disagree with?

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In today’s fast-paced world, it is common to claim that a thriving society can be successfully achieved by reducing the salary gap between the richest and poorest individuals. This opinion may have many advantages and disadvantages. But from my point of view, I totally agree with this idea.

To begin with, by reducing the income gap, good infrastructure is now easier to access for those who were in hardship back then. For example, private hospitals and education can become more affordable for individuals, which can help to enhance their overall health. As a result, these good treatments not only improve their emotions but also create a happy society for everyone to live.

Furthermore, this trend also boosts the national economy, which creates satisfaction for the global workers. If the workers around the world have experienced an increase in their income, according to the tax policies, the tax will be growing in tow, which can help to improve public facilities. Therefore, the living standard of people will also be better than before.

In conclusion, by solving the gap between the richest and poorest individuals, citizens can have a accessibility in good facilities like private hospitals and education, which can create happiness and a better lifestyle, while the nation can be provided with a wide range of benefits in the economy.

Word Count: 219

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

which: 4

individuals: 3

their: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position of total agreement. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited and lacks logical depth. For instance, the connection between reducing the income gap and the increased affordability of 'private hospitals' is slightly contradictory; usually, reducing inequality involves improving public services rather than making private ones more accessible. Additionally, the argument regarding tax revenue needs more precise explanation to show how a narrower gap specifically leads to higher tax yields (as higher income for the poor might actually decrease the total tax pool compared to taxing the ultra-wealthy). To improve, try to extend your arguments by explaining the 'how' and 'why' more thoroughly, and ensure that your examples directly support the mechanism of wealth redistribution. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is somewhat disjointed. The transition between the idea of reducing the income gap and the immediate availability of 'good infrastructure' is not logically explained. To improve, ensure that each sentence flows logically into the next by explaining the 'how' and 'why' (e.g., explaining how reducing the gap leads to better public funding). Additionally, avoid using 'But' at the start of a sentence in formal writing; use 'However' instead.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is functional but repetitive and sometimes imprecise. For instance, terms like 'good infrastructure,' 'good treatments,' and 'good facilities' are quite basic and lack the sophistication required for higher bands. Try to use more specific academic collocations such as 'essential services,' 'quality healthcare,' or 'socio-economic stability.' Additionally, the phrase 'growing in tow' is an incorrect use of the idiom 'in tow'; a better choice would be 'increase proportionally' or 'rise accordingly'.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are several grammatical inaccuracies that affect the clarity of the message. Issues include subject-verb agreement, improper article usage (e.g., 'have a accessibility' should be 'have access to'), and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'those who were in hardship back then'). The essay relies heavily on simple sentence structures. To improve, practice using complex sentence structures such as conditional sentences (If/Unless) and relative clauses more accurately to connect ideas more fluidly.

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