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Band 5+: More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses for communities in poorer countries. Why young people choose to do so? Who will benefit more: young people or the communities?

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Work is one of the most essential part of people’s daily lives. In this contemporary era, the majority of young individuals migrate from wealthy nations to poorer nations doing specific work without receiving any kind of payments. Meanwhile, in this essay, I will demonstrate why this happened and also discuss whether it is beneficial for younger people or communities.

To commence with, the first and foremost reason is that younger people want new experience. To justify it further, the majority of young masses aware of his countries culture, tradition, language, and lifestyles. If they move to other countries, they get a chance to explore culture, adventure and meaningful travel. In addition, another one of the significant factors is career and education benefits. To be more precise, if they join in volunteering works, it not only improves CVs but also increases university applications. It also develops life lessons skills such as communication and leadership.

On the other hand, I believe that spending time in communities in poorer countries without unpaid work, younger people has more benefits. The first characteristics is it improves their future career prospects. To exemplify, In India, many wealthy families such as Dholakiya Family, they are Dimond king of India, before giving his sons wealth, he sends them to work in another country, without their father’s fame, so that they will gain grounding knowledge and learn to create their own value. Furthermore, another one of the benefits is that they develop practical and interpersonal skills. This is because, many work such as teaching sports, trading, coding, accounting and many more work, taught them practical as well as decision-making skills.

In conclusion, although local communities receive valuable support, young volunteers usually benefit more because they gain important life skills, work experience, and personal development that can help them throughout their future careers.

Word Count: 303

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 4

young: 3

without: 3

younger: 3

people: 3

countries: 3

another: 3

benefits: 3

skills: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt. You have provided reasons for why young people volunteer and have taken a clear position on who benefits more. However, the development of ideas could be more precise. For instance, the example regarding the Dholakiya family is somewhat specific and slightly tangential to the concept of 'unpaid community work' in poor countries, as it focuses more on business training than humanitarian volunteering. To improve, ensure that your supporting examples directly align with the context of the prompt (volunteering in poorer nations). Additionally, work on grammatical precision; there are several errors in subject-verb agreement and article usage (e.g., 'essential part' instead of 'essential parts', 'young masses aware' instead of 'young masses are aware') that can occasionally obscure the clarity of your arguments. Strengthening the logical connection between your reasons and the specific context of 'unpaid work in poor communities' will help elevate the response.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes hindered by awkward phrasing and repetitive transition signals (e.g., 'To commence with', 'To justify it further', 'To be more precise'). While the paragraphing is appropriate, the connection between sentences within paragraphs could be smoother. To improve, focus on using a wider variety of cohesive devices and ensure that each sentence flows naturally into the next without relying on formulaic templates.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is sufficient to convey the main ideas, but there is a lack of precision and sophistication. There are several instances of incorrect word usage (e.g., 'young masses aware of his countries culture' instead of 'young people are aware of their country's culture') and repetitive phrasing. Some terms are used awkwardly, such as 'without unpaid work' when the context implies 'through unpaid work'. To improve, aim to use more academic collocations and ensure that word choices are precise and contextually accurate.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede the reader's understanding. There are significant issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'Work is one of the most essential part'), pronoun usage (e.g., 'his countries culture'), and sentence structure (e.g., 'In India, many wealthy families... they are Dimond king'). There is also a lack of control over complex sentence structures. To improve, focus on mastering basic grammar rules such as pluralization, possessives, and subject-verb agreement, and practice constructing complex sentences with greater accuracy.

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