Opinion

Band 5+: Nowadays, many medical research projects are funded by private companies. In your opinion, do you think that research should be carried by private companies, individuals or government? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

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Private companies fund a large number of medical research projects currently. In my opinion, it shoulp maintain this way because companies have capital to sponsor these projects and it benefits society by employing.

First, private companies can afford investing on medical research. They don’t depend on the people’s money, which means no matter what happens in a country, a private factory keep carrying out research. For example, when the world experienced a economic stagnation in 2020 because of Corona virus, reasearchs funded by private companies were able to find a vaccination to prevent and reduce the symtoms of this illness.

Secondly, these projects can improve many’s life providing jobs. These projects are researched by doctors and put in practice by employees. Consequently, Companies employed many people, which is advantage for society economically. For example, If a group of doctors are employed by a company to carry out a medical research project, they get a sallary, they could spend more money on groceries or leisure activities. This injects more money in the community.

In conclusion, when the health sector is fueled by private companies, Innovation, despecting the world’s economy, is guaraanted. And the economy itself is benefited throughout the job opportunities given by these companies.

Word Count: 204

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

companies: 7

private: 5

research: 4

projects: 4

these: 4

medical: 3

money: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, arguing in favor of private companies funding medical research. The ideas are relevant and supported with examples, such as the development of COVID-19 vaccines. However, the development of ideas could be more precise and focused. For instance, the connection between medical research and economic benefits could be elaborated further. To improve, consider providing more specific details and exploring potential drawbacks or alternative perspectives to demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the issue. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates an adequate arrangement of information and ideas, and the progression of the response is generally apparent. However, the connections between sentences and paragraphs could be strengthened to improve the overall flow. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively. For example, in the second paragraph, the connection between the economic stagnation and the ability of private companies to find a vaccination could be made more explicit. In the third paragraph, the link between job creation and economic benefits could be further elaborated.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to express ideas, but there is some inaccuracy in word choice and usage. For example, 'shoulp maintain this way' could be improved to 'should continue in this manner' or 'should remain this way'. Also, consider using more precise vocabulary to enhance the impact of your arguments. For instance, instead of 'improve many's life providing jobs,' you could say 'enhance livelihoods by creating employment opportunities'. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are noticeable and occasionally impede understanding. For example, 'Companies employed many people, which is advantage for society economically' contains a grammatical error and could be rephrased for clarity. Pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and accurate punctuation. Reviewing and editing your work carefully can help reduce these errors.

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