Positive And Negative

Band 5+: Nowadays, many peoplem use the internet to get medical advice instead of going to see a doctor, why is this? Do you think is it positive or negative developement?

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There is a trend for vast majority of people to search for a treatment online instead of visiting a clinic. The following paragraphs will discuss whether It is a positive or negative trend, provide a reason of this tendency and reach a reasonable conclusion.

The chief reason why individuals search medical solution online is time economy. In other words, visiting an expert in hospitals is time consuming activity which could last almost full weekday. To illustrate, according to a recent research conducted by Harvard University Medicine Department, people in the UK usually spend 4-5 hours per visit in central clinics. Consequently, it is more efficient to browse a cure in the web rather than visiting clinics.

Attempts to apply medical advices in the internet could follow an injures and other harmful consequences for the health. It means that testing unqualified solutions or consuming a medicine without specialist’s recipe may be dangerous for the well-being. A standout example of this could be a scientific research by National Sweden Clinic which indicated that 68% of people who tried to treat themselves were urgently arrived to hospital. Therefore, self-treatment is considered to be a negative trend

To sum up, searching for a health advice online is definitely a negative trend and reason for that is potential harmful effect for the body. I believe that visiting a qualified doctor is a undoubtedly safer and more guaranteed although it may be more time consuming or boring activity.

Word Count: 242

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

visiting: 4

trend: 3

people: 3

online: 3

negative: 3

reason: 3

consuming: 3

could: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position. The ideas are relevant, but the support lacks some precision. To improve, ensure that examples are clearly linked to the points being made and that the potential counterarguments are acknowledged. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates some organization, but the progression of ideas is not always clear. The introduction and conclusion are present, but the connection between paragraphs could be strengthened. Consider using more explicit transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument. For example, in the second paragraph, you could start with 'Firstly' or 'One reason for this trend is...' to clearly signal the beginning of a new point. Similarly, in the third paragraph, using phrases like 'However' or 'On the other hand' would improve the flow. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single, well-defined idea to maintain coherence.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, and some word choices are not entirely accurate or appropriate. For instance, 'time economy' is not a common phrase. Try to use more precise and varied vocabulary to express your ideas. Instead of 'search for a treatment online,' you could use 'seek medical information online' or 'consult online resources for health advice.' Expanding your vocabulary and using synonyms will enhance the clarity and sophistication of your writing. Also, pay attention to collocations to ensure that words are used in their correct context.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. There are issues with verb tense ('search' instead of 'searching'), subject-verb agreement, article usage ('a treatment' should be 'treatment'), and sentence structure. For example, the sentence 'Attempts to apply medical advices in the internet could follow an injures and other harmful consequences for the health' is grammatically incorrect and unclear. Focus on using a wider range of grammatical structures accurately. Review basic grammar rules and practice constructing complex sentences correctly. Proofreading carefully for errors in tense, agreement, and word order is essential.

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