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Band 4+: Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertaining and ecologically important. Discuss both views.

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In recent years, much amount of people debate about whether animals should be keep in zoos. While some people argue that zoos are cruel and restrict animal’s freedom, others believe that zoos play an important role in education,entertainment ,and wild life conservation. This essay will discuss both perspectives before reaching a conclusion.

On the one hand,many people believe that keeping animals in zoos is wrong. As a result many animals lose their freedom,Suffer from stress and health problems. Animals have live their natural habit rather than for human entertainment. From this perspective, protecting wild life natural reserves is seen as a more human and ethical solution.

On the other hand, supporters of zoos argue that they serve several important purposes. Zoos help to product different species of animals . New generation children should understand our country specific animals . Humans are hunted ,killed animals and they use their needs the reason for that Zoos product the animals.

In conclusion, zoos can play valuable role in this essay. Therefore, improve the living condition of animals and focus on conservation rather than entertainment.

Word Count: 181

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

animals: 8

people: 3

their: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument. A position is presented, but the ideas lack clarity and sufficient development. To improve, provide more specific examples and evidence to support your claims. Also, ensure a clearer and more focused development of each argument. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates some organization, but the progression of ideas is not always clear. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be improved to enhance coherence. For example, the shift from discussing the negative aspects of zoos to the positive aspects could be smoother with clearer transitional phrases. Paragraphing is present, but could be more effectively used to separate and develop distinct ideas.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, and there are instances of inaccurate word choice. For example, 'much amount of people debate' is not idiomatic. Expanding your vocabulary and focusing on using words accurately will improve your writing. Consider using a thesaurus to find synonyms and alternative ways to express your ideas. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains frequent grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. For example, 'Animals have live their natural habit' contains errors in verb tense and word choice. Focus on mastering basic grammar rules and sentence structures. Reviewing grammar concepts and practicing sentence construction will help improve accuracy.

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