Opinion

Band 6+: Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There are some beliefs that advertising convinces people to purchase useless things, while others assume that it has a positive effect because we can get something really useful. I would agree most with the second view because latter advertisements tell us about new products which genuinely help us to deal with some difficult situations and nowadays they also prioritize the quality of things.

One of the major benefit of advertising is how they professionally persuade individuals to buy their products. Despite the fact that they are doing well on what they have to do, but also lately advertising professionals pay attention to their staff to make it more valuable and make happy customers. For instance, since my childhood while shopping technical equipment in the supermarkets

we have been always scammed. However, nowadays i can order anything online with no effort on counting on them.

Additionally, most of the advertisements tempting us by creating new products which simplify everyday life. It has been known that these days many persons buy some items from chinese market and they provide extraordinary products which are valuable. For example, recently I have bought a keyboard for my tablet from a Chinese shop called “TEMU” and they provide it in a good condition with a low price.

In conclusion, some individuals say that advertising compels us to buy no need staff. However, others say that some advertisements show us products which are useful. I would mostly agree with second opinion because advertisements introduce us to new products that can genuinely help us overcome everyday challenges, while also placing greater emphasis on product quality.

Word Count: 267

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

products: 6

advertising: 4

advertisements: 4

which: 4

while: 3

because: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, but the development of ideas is limited and lacks clarity. The first main point about advertising professionals improving quality is not well-supported and the example about being scammed is vague. The second point about new products simplifying life is more relevant, but the example of buying a keyboard from TEMU is not clearly linked to advertising. There is also some repetition and a lack of focus in the supporting ideas. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, provide more specific and relevant examples, and develop your arguments more fully. Also, avoid informal language and grammatical errors that affect clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by abrupt transitions and unclear connections between sentences. For example, the first body paragraph shifts from discussing professional persuasion to personal shopping experiences without a smooth link. The conclusion repeats the introduction rather than synthesizing the arguments. To improve, use cohesive devices more effectively and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is developed logically.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary appropriate to the topic, such as 'professionally persuade', 'simplify everyday life', and 'genuinely help'. However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasings, such as 'pay attention to their staff' (likely meaning 'products' or 'quality'), 'no need staff' (should be 'no need stuff' or 'unnecessary items'), and 'chinese market' (should be capitalized as 'Chinese'). The word 'scammed' is used informally and may not fit the academic tone. To improve, expand vocabulary with more precise and formal terms, and proofread for word choice and collocation errors.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, 'One of the major benefit' should be 'One of the major benefits', 'they are doing well on what they have to do, but also lately' is awkward and contains a comma splice, and 'i' should be capitalized as 'I'. Additionally, the sentence 'since my childhood while shopping technical equipment in the supermarkets we have been always scammed' is grammatically incorrect and unclear. To improve, focus on subject-verb agreement, correct use of articles, and sentence structure. Proofreading for these errors will enhance accuracy.

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