Discussion

Band 4+: Some people think that social media has brought people closer together, while others believe it has created more distance between individuals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays a huge number of people says that the social media helps to become closer to their friends, however others thing that it helps to become selfish. In this essay I will delve into both sides in the subsequent paragraphs.

The most popular thing is Instagram, individuals used to communicate with others by this platform because it does require any issue. Anytime and anywhere they can just write to people and ask about their life. In the past people should go to some place to see with their friends. But in 21 century there are several digital platforms like telegram, max,and others to communicate with people that’s why it makes our life easier and helps to get closer to people. There are disadvantages of social media platforms like people can be distrupted by them, scrolling videos instead of spending time with their family.

In my point of view the social media helps people to become closer by several reasons one of them can be finding friends. Because there are several children who can not find friends at the school, by modern technology they chat with people from another country if their opinions same. And also by this platforms businesses become easyer to discuss with their busness partners.

In the conclusion there are pluses and minuses of using social media, like chating with people in the distance as well as it is easy to be obsessed with scrolling videos, it takes our time and people can tent to take dofamine. It dependce on people how to use modern technology.

Word Count: 258

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 11

their: 6

social: 4

media: 4

helps: 4

become: 4

friends: 4

there: 4

closer: 3

others: 3

several: 3

platforms: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both sides of the argument and presents a personal opinion, which is required by the prompt. However, the development of these ideas is limited. The main ideas are often presented abruptly without sufficient explanation or logical progression. For example, the mention of 'selfishness' in the introduction is not clearly linked to the discussion of isolation in the body paragraphs, and the point about business partners feels somewhat disconnected from the core debate of social connection versus isolation. To improve, you should focus on expanding your arguments. Instead of just stating that social media makes life easier, explain *how* this ease of communication fosters deeper connections. When discussing the negative side, ensure you connect the idea of 'scrolling videos' directly back to the concept of social isolation. Additionally, ensure that every point made in the introduction is thoroughly explored in the body paragraphs to maintain a consistent focus.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is often abrupt, and the connection between sentences is weak. To improve, use a wider variety of cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'On the other hand', 'Consequently') to link your ideas logically. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic sentence that guides the reader through your argument.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is quite basic and repetitive. There are several instances of incorrect word choices (e.g., 'it does require any issue' instead of 'it does not present any issues', and 'take dofamine' instead of 'dopamine addiction'). To reach a higher band, aim to use more precise and academic terminology. Instead of saying 'the most popular thing is Instagram', you could say 'One of the most prominent social media platforms is Instagram'. Work on spelling accuracy for common words like 'easier' and 'business'. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede communication. Issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'people says' instead of 'people say'), incorrect verb tenses, and sentence fragments. There is also a lack of complex sentence structures. Focus on mastering basic sentence construction and then gradually incorporate subordinate clauses. Pay close attention to the use of articles (a, an, the) and prepositions to improve the overall flow and accuracy of your writing.

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