Opinion

Band 4+: The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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The above diagram illustrates the process of manufacturing sugar from sugarcane. This process consists of seven steps commencing from growing and nurturing sugarcane to conclude with drying of sugar crystals.

The first step is to grow sugarcane, nourish it well and allow to mature for about 12 to 18 months which is in fact the longest step in the whole process. The next step involves harvesting the crop which is done either manually or automatically. The manual process uses sickle to chop off the crop, on the other hand an automatic chopper is used to harvest automatically. Following, the crop is pushed between the rollers of crusher to obtain juice from it and is collected in the tray placed below.

The juice is then allowed to pass through limestone filter to extract unwanted particles from it. Then, the juice is transferred to the evaporator where it gets converted into syrup in order to make it more viscous. Sugar from the syrup gets altered in the centrifuge process after which it is made to dry and cool in a large container.

When its done, it is ready for further useage

Word Count: 189

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

process: 5

sugar: 3

sugarcane: 3

which: 3

juice: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay provides a basic overview of the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugarcane. The main features are mentioned, but the comparison of the steps is not clearly presented. The essay could benefit from a more detailed and thorough exploration of the process, including specific comparisons where relevant. Additionally, the conclusion is abrupt and does not effectively summarize the information presented. To improve, consider providing a more comprehensive analysis of the main features and making clear and relevant comparisons between the steps.
The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is somewhat coherent and cohesive, but there are some issues with the organization and development of ideas. The sequencing of the steps in the manufacturing process is not clearly presented, and the overall structure could be improved for better coherence. Additionally, there are some lapses in cohesion, particularly in the transition between the steps. To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider reorganizing the essay to present the manufacturing process in a more logical and structured manner, and use cohesive devices to improve the flow between the steps.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, but there are instances of imprecise word choice and limited lexical flexibility. Additionally, there are some inaccuracies in the use of vocabulary, such as 'useage' instead of 'usage'. To improve lexical resource, aim to use a wider range of vocabulary with more precision and accuracy. Consider using more specific and varied terms to describe the manufacturing process and its components, and be mindful of word choice and accuracy throughout the essay.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay exhibits a mix of sentence structures, but there are some noticeable grammatical errors and inaccuracies in punctuation. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and punctuation. To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures and ensure greater precision in grammar and punctuation usage. Review and revise the essay to correct errors in subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and punctuation for improved accuracy.

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Band 4+: The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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