Opinion

Band 4+: The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum.

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The rising amount of fattening humans suffer on the health care system in an effort to solve health problems. Some individuals believe that the most effective way to deal with this issue is to include more fitness lessons in the school schedule. I agree with this thought, but diet is also one of the way to reduce fat.

Inclusion of physical exercise to the school curriculum prevents overweight problems. Doing exercise regularly helps them to spend time on some healthy activities and stay fitted from childhood. For example, if students do physical exercise before the lessons every school day they will become more active and less chance to obesity.

However, physical education lessons cannot solve the problem being overweight alone. Therefore, individuals must also follow diet. Firstly, it helps them to consume nutritious food and to be healthy. Secondly, being in diet promotes fat burning, which helps to overweight people. For instance, diet builds discipline and gives rest to the stomach.

In conclusion, while school sports and physical activities are beneficial, a healthy diet is equally essential to solve healthcare and obesity issues.

Word Count: 183

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

school: 4

physical: 4

solve: 3

lessons: 3

exercise: 3

overweight: 3

helps: 3

healthy: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear position: that while school physical education is important, diet is also a necessary component. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited. The main ideas are relevant, but they lack depth and detailed extension. For instance, the explanation of how diet 'gives rest to the stomach' is vague and does not clearly link back to solving the strain on the healthcare system. To improve, try to expand on your arguments by explaining the 'why' and 'how' in more detail. For example, instead of just stating that exercise helps, you could explain how early intervention in schools reduces the long-term prevalence of chronic diseases, thereby directly easing the burden on hospitals. Additionally, ensure that your vocabulary is used precisely to avoid awkward phrasing (e.g., 'fattening humans' or 'less chance to obesity'). The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is somewhat abrupt. To improve, use a wider variety of cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'In addition', 'Consequently') to link sentences more smoothly. The transition between the idea of school exercise and the necessity of diet could be more sophisticated to ensure the reader can follow the logic effortlessly.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and occasionally inaccurate. For example, the phrase 'fattening humans' is inappropriate and unnatural in an academic context; terms like 'obese individuals' or 'the rising prevalence of obesity' would be much more professional. Additionally, 'being in diet' should be replaced with 'maintaining a balanced diet' or 'adhering to a dietary plan.' Aim to use more precise, academic collocations to demonstrate a higher level of lexical control. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are several grammatical errors that impact the clarity of the message. Issues include subject-verb agreement, incorrect preposition usage (e.g., 'Inclusion of physical exercise to' should be 'in'), and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'less chance to obesity'). There is a reliance on simple sentence structures. To improve, practice using complex sentence forms, such as relative clauses and conditional sentences, while paying close attention to article usage and noun forms (e.g., 'one of the way' should be 'one of the ways').

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