Discussion

Band 6+: The increasing popularity of virtual reality and augmented reality technologies has led some to believe that physical travel will become obsolete in the future. Others argue that experiencing different cultures firsthand remains essential for personal growth and understanding. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

Some people argue about whether the rise of virtual reality technology will make physical travel necessary or not. Others believe that it is essential for human development to experience the real world.

People think that virtual reality will take over physical travel in the not too distant future, mostly because one day, virtual reality will be able to not only simulate the touch of items, it will also be able to simulate the smell and taste of the location travelled to. This in turn may allow people to experience foreign cuisine and climate without leaving the comfort of their own home. This could be advantagous and cost-efficient to disabled people who aren’t to travel abroad. It could open a whole new world for them.

Other people have stated that physical travelling is essential for human development. First of all, travelling physically can improve the economy of poor cities. A lot of people, ranging from tour guides to souvenir shops, benefit from visitors and run their buisiness as a living based on travellers being there. As a result, if virtual reality became the norm, a lot of people could be unemployed and may be unable to put food on the table.

To my mind, virtual reality can’t take over travelling physically because the experience and poeple met during the trip would be impossible to replicate. The memories of the trip is not only built by the scenery and cuisine, the difficulties during the trip are also part and parcel of the whole experience.

Word Count: 252

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 6

virtual: 5

reality: 5

experience: 4

physical: 3

travel: 3

could: 3

travelling: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt by discussing both viewpoints and providing a personal opinion. The position is clear and consistent throughout the response. However, the development of ideas could be more robust. For instance, the second body paragraph focuses on the economic impact on local businesses, which is a valid point, but it does not directly address the 'human development' aspect mentioned in the prompt. To improve, ensure that every supporting argument directly links back to the specific keywords in the prompt (e.g., how physical travel shapes a person's character, empathy, or cognitive growth). Additionally, expanding on the nuances of the 'human development' argument would help achieve a higher score.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure, addressing both sides of the argument and providing a personal opinion. However, the progression between ideas could be smoother. The transition between the benefits of VR and the economic impact of physical travel is somewhat abrupt. To improve, use more sophisticated cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that links back to the main prompt. Additionally, ensure the introduction more accurately reflects the prompt's nuance (it's not just about whether travel is 'necessary', but whether VR makes it 'unnecessary').

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is appropriate and functional, with some good attempts at idiomatic language such as 'part and parcel' and 'put food on the table'. However, there is some repetition of basic words (e.g., 'people', 'travel', 'trip'). To reach a higher band, aim for a wider range of synonyms and more precise academic collocations. For example, instead of 'take over physical travel', you could use 'supplant traditional tourism' or 'render physical travel obsolete'. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are several grammatical inaccuracies that prevent a higher score. Notable errors include subject-verb agreement ('The memories... is' should be 'are') and spelling mistakes ('advantagous', 'buisiness', 'poeple'). There are also issues with sentence construction, such as 'who aren't to travel abroad', which is ungrammatical. Focus on proofreading for singular/plural agreement and ensuring that complex sentences are structurally sound.

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