Opinion

Band 4+: The most important aid of science should be to improve people's live

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The most essential help of science should be to improve citizens’s live. I completely agree with this idea because the advancement of sciences can develop various stuff, include to improvements of daily people living.

the first reason why I believe that the science advancement can enhance citizen’s as it can help improve healthcare. For example, medication and vaccine was made by knowlage about biochemistry and biomolecule. It definitely, this innovation can assist a lot of people’s life and made them had longevity.

currently, air pollution from traffic problem effect in various way, can make negative impact on health especially respiratory tract from smog among street. In addition, traffic jem is annoyed for the publish that driving a car on street. As the result, scientists were made the innovation of transport allow people to live more comfortably and securely. For instance, sky train that moving on sky therefore individuals will not met heavy traffic and smog same on common street.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that science should be to improve citizens ‘s live. At this time, the world have appropriate innovation for improvements of daily people living.

Word Count: 187

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

science: 3

improve: 3

people: 3

innovation: 3

traffic: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a position. The main ideas are relevant but lack clarity and sufficient development. To improve, provide more specific examples and elaborate on how scientific advancements directly improve people's lives. Also, ensure that your arguments are clearly linked to the thesis statement. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates some attempt at organization, but the ideas are not always clearly linked, and the progression of thought can be difficult to follow. Paragraphing is present but could be more effectively used to separate distinct ideas. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs need improvement to enhance the flow of the essay. For example, the connection between the traffic problem and the sky train innovation could be made more explicit.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, and there are instances of inaccurate word choice ('stuff,' 'jem'). The language is not always precise, which affects the clarity of the arguments. To improve, focus on expanding your vocabulary and using more specific and appropriate words. Pay attention to collocations and the natural usage of words in context. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains frequent grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement, article usage, pluralization, and sentence structure. These errors impede understanding and detract from the overall quality of the writing. Focus on mastering basic grammar rules and sentence structures. Practice writing and carefully proofread your work to identify and correct errors. Consider focusing on writing shorter, simpler sentences to improve accuracy before attempting more complex structures.

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