Discussion

Band 6+: There seems to be an increasing number of serious crimes committed each year. While some think the best way is to use the death penalty as a deterrent, many people believe that other measures will be needed. Discuss both sides.

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There is a debate over which method is the most effective to reduce crime, with some saying capital punishment is an optimal solution and others arguing that other preventive measures such as long imprisonment is better.

Proponents of the idea of the death penalty think that it can deter many criminal actions. The presence of this stringent penalty, can really scare a lot of offenders to be engaged in different crimes as such murdering, raping, kidnapping and terroristic attacks. If the government establishes the laws to enforce capital punishment, it strikes fear into the hearts of criminals leading to the decline in crime rate.

On the other hand, long life sentences can be helpful to mitigate a criminal behaviour. This type of punishment may become effective as it is immediately enforced by policymakers. Being aware of the consequences of their criminal actions, many lawbreakers generally do not resort to crime. Having realized that if they continue offending, they are put behind the bars for the rest of their lives which most of them do not favor. The United States can be a good case in point, the country which is notorious for it’s longest prison sentences for heinous criminals and serial killers who feel discouraged to commit crimes in society.

In conclusion, while some people are of the view that capital punishment is the most feasible solution to criminal behaviour, other people believe that long life sentence is the best deterrent for criminals.

Word Count: 243

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

punishment: 4

criminal: 4

which: 3

crime: 3

capital: 3

other: 3

criminals: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument. A clear position is presented, but there could be more focus and precision in supporting ideas. To improve, provide more specific examples and develop the arguments more fully. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay presents a clear stance and discusses both sides of the argument, but the connections between ideas within paragraphs could be strengthened. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the flow of the essay. For example, in the second paragraph, elaborating on *how* the death penalty deters crime would improve coherence. In the third paragraph, providing a more direct link between long sentences and reduced crime rates would be beneficial.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise and sophisticated. For example, 'scare a lot of offenders' could be rephrased for greater impact. Consider using synonyms and more nuanced vocabulary to express your ideas more effectively. Also, ensure that the vocabulary used is always appropriate for the context.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay exhibits a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are noticeable and impact clarity. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and article usage ('the', 'a', 'an'). For example, '...long imprisonment is better' could be improved. Proofreading carefully for these errors will enhance the overall grammatical accuracy of your writing.

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