Discussion

Band 4+: You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

In the modern era, where technology has made it possible to connect people all over the globe some contend that this has consequently resulted in people becoming more introvert.

Nowadays, technology has advanced to all over the globe and benefitting population in various way. Firstly, it has make it possible for the people to connect with their loved ones if they are in any provience or any country. For example, if we are out of country for the further studies or better education, gadgets has made it possible to stay connected with the family and friends with the new inventions of mobile phones, plus different application that supports live video chats and internet connectivity thoughtout the world, unlike ancient times with no devices and lower connectivity and using of fax letter. Older time was was difficult for the youth and old people to chat and connect emotionally with the diffent ones.

However, it affected many people mind terribly and made a lot of changes in their thinking. It has created a barrier in many’s thinking with the advanced system of easy shortcuts and spending time with the people. For example, Young age is all driven by the gaming and entertaining side, they are lacking the emotion for the family and friend which is influentaited by this easy accesible and time passing video game and entertaining platform. This has created a lot of space between the people as no one wants to make friend and relation with other to spend quality time which all replaced by advanced mobile devices and application. In past era peolpe loved to be stay connected with other and like to spend hours taking and sharing each other good or bad feeling, which is slowly vanishing as the time pass and the technolgy get more advances.

To summarize, technolgy has given crowds a lot of useful daily needs, but also impacted a lot of youth by changing their lifestyle and making it lazy.

Word Count: 326

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 7

possible: 3

connect: 3

advanced: 3

their: 3

which: 3

other: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both viewpoints but does so in a limited and underdeveloped manner. The position is somewhat clear but not consistently maintained. Ideas are relevant but lack depth and support, with some repetition and vague examples. To improve, ensure each viewpoint is fully explored with specific, well-developed examples, and clearly state and justify your own opinion throughout. Also, work on paragraph structure and coherence to present ideas more logically.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but the flow is often disrupted by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. The ideas are presented in a logical order, but the lack of cohesive devices and the frequent errors make it difficult to follow the message effortlessly. To improve, focus on using a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly, and ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic with supporting details that are easy to follow.

Lexical Resource

The essay attempts to use a range of vocabulary, but there are many inaccuracies and inappropriate word choices (e.g., 'introvert' instead of 'introverted', 'provience' instead of 'province', 'influentaited' instead of 'influenced'). The use of informal and colloquial expressions (e.g., 'gadgets', 'time passing') reduces the formality required for an academic essay. To improve, expand your vocabulary with more precise and academic terms, and ensure correct word forms and collocations are used. Practice using synonyms and paraphrasing to avoid repetition.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'it has make' should be 'it has made'), incorrect verb tenses, missing articles, and punctuation issues. There are also sentence fragments and run-on sentences that hinder clarity. To improve, review basic grammar rules, practice writing complex sentences with correct subordination, and proofread your work to eliminate errors. Focus on using a variety of sentence structures accurately to demonstrate grammatical range.

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