Opinion

Band 4+: Task 2 It is impossible to help all people in the world, so the government should only focus on people in their own countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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This essay thought that supporting all individuals in whole world wide is uncertain matter. Therefore, policymakers would focus only give attention on citizens of their nations. I completely agree with this statement due to the fact that they enhance their country’s revenue and provide sustainable lifestyle to the dwellers.

First and foremost, they refine the nation’s economy that is to say, every state has limited resources thus, they utilize those resources only if their requirements and invest them in specific fields like, agriculture. For example, when the country was in bad condition, former first female president of SriLanka, Shanthirika Bandaranayake did support farming and export particular products such as, red chilli, paddy and tea in whole world and stop the imports. As a result they earned high volume of income. Not only government but also it impact the family.

Furthermore, government implements suitable lives for their citizens. To be specific, they have plenty of money hence, they offer good education, health facilities and quality life. If they provide good education and health services respectively, they can make educated students and produced healthy persons. According to this trend, it raise productivity. Following this view, they can reserve certain money for health sectors and dramatically improve amenities.

In conclusion, state only take cares their public where as that is unrealistic matter to concentrate other globe’s individuals. Focusing their own citizens furnish high quality lifestyles as well as foster their country. Whenever, nation priortise to boost their standard after that they aid every one. It does not impact their resources.

Word Count: 257

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
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Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 9

citizens: 3

resources: 3

health: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a clear position. However, the ideas, while relevant, lack clarity and sufficient development. The examples provided are not always clearly linked to the main points. To improve, focus on providing more specific and detailed explanations to support your arguments. Also, ensure that your examples are directly relevant and clearly illustrate the points you are making. Work on improving the overall coherence and flow of your essay by using more effective linking words and phrases.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay's organization is somewhat unclear, and the flow of ideas is frequently disrupted by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Paragraphing is present, but the connection between ideas within and between paragraphs needs improvement. Transitions are weak or absent, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on using clearer transitions, ensuring each paragraph has a central idea, and that sentences within a paragraph logically connect to support that idea.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some inaccuracies in word choice and usage. There is an attempt to use more sophisticated vocabulary, but this is not always successful, leading to unnatural phrasing. To improve lexical resource, focus on expanding your vocabulary and using words accurately and appropriately. Pay attention to collocations and the nuances of meaning to ensure your writing is clear and precise.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including issues with verb tense, subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. These errors frequently impede understanding. The range of grammatical structures is limited, and there is a lack of control over more complex structures. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on mastering basic grammar rules and gradually incorporating more complex structures into your writing. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors.

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