Opinion

Band 5+: Some people think that the governtment should provide assistance to all kinds of artists including painters, musicans and poets. however, other people think that this is a waste of money

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It is considered by many that Government should assist all kinds of artists such as painters, musicians, poets, film artists etc whereas others believe that spending on them is a waste of money. I contend that it is important to support all types of artists.

There are many reasons why assisting all kinds of artists is necessary. One possible reason is that Arts which are created by the artists preserve history and cultural identity. An individual of an country can know about his country’s culture through various paintings, music, dramas etc and also achieve the knowledge of his motherland’s history. For example, the people of Bangladesh can understand the situation of their liberation war which was held in 1971 through different kinds of books, flims and many more sources. Secondly, Many artist’s economic condition is not so well. Since,they earn a small amonuts of money from their work, they can not run their family smoothly.

Despite the above arguments, It can not be denied that Government has a lot of crucial options to spend money than that sector. Firstly, Health care sector, one of most important sector, is required more expenditure to satisfy the demand of the local people of a country. Most of the individuals can not get proper treatment, so they suffer from different kinds of diseases. Secondly, Education is another significant sector which plays a vital role to the development of a nation. Childrens and adults deprive of quality education due to proverty. Therefore, Government should provide more funds in these secotrs.

I believe that art is as important as spending on other sectors. Arts are the good source of entertainment by which most of the person enjoy their free time and also it differentiates between human and animal.

To conclude, I reiterate that spending on artists is not waste of money as art is as important as healthcare and education.

Word Count: 314

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

artists: 5

kinds: 4

money: 4

important: 4

which: 4

their: 4

sector: 4

government: 3

spending: 3

education: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt. You have discussed both viewpoints (the necessity of supporting artists and the argument for prioritizing other sectors) and provided a clear personal opinion. Your position is consistent throughout the essay. To improve your score, focus on the following: 1. **Depth of Development**: While you mention the importance of art for cultural identity and the economic struggles of artists, the development of these ideas could be more profound. For instance, instead of just stating artists are poor, you could explain how government subsidies allow them to focus on their craft without the pressure of commercial viability. 2. **Logical Progression in the Opinion**: Your personal opinion is presented in a separate paragraph near the end, but it feels somewhat brief and disconnected from the preceding paragraph. Try to integrate your reasoning more fluidly. In your conclusion, you state art is 'as important as' healthcare, but your body paragraph argued that healthcare and education are 'more crucial.' Ensure your stance is nuanced and logically consistent. 3. **Precision in Supporting Ideas**: In the paragraph discussing the opposing view (waste of money), you focus heavily on why healthcare and education are important. To better address the 'waste of money' aspect, you could explicitly link this to the idea of 'opportunity cost' - that every dollar spent on a poet is a dollar taken away from a hospital.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs addressing both sides, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas could be smoother. Some cohesive devices are used somewhat mechanically, and there are minor issues with paragraph transitions. To improve, try to use more sophisticated linking words and ensure that each sentence flows naturally into the next to avoid a 'choppy' feel.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is adequate to convey the main ideas, and there is an attempt to use topic-specific words (e.g., 'cultural identity', 'liberation war', 'expenditure'). However, there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'flims', 'amonuts', 'proverty', 'secotrs') and some repetitive phrasing. To reach a higher band, focus on increasing the precision of your word choices and ensuring correct spelling of common academic terms. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay. Issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'Many artist's economic condition is'), incorrect pluralization (e.g., 'Childrens'), article usage (e.g., 'an country'), and sentence fragments (e.g., starting a sentence with 'Since' in a way that lacks a main clause). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors are frequent enough to be noticeable. I recommend reviewing basic sentence structures, noun plurals, and the correct use of articles and conjunctions.

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