Opinion

Band 4+: You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

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It is obvious that medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology in these days, while our reliance on computer technology can cause a dangerous situation. From my perspective, i strongly disagree with this statement. The reason will be described in this essay.

Computer systems has been a part of us for living. Their benefits can make our lives be easier, for instance: Uber, Grab or other transport applications that people can arrive the place on time and book a car in advanced which is acessible and convinient for everyone. Also, when people are in pain, or cannot go to hospital alone by themselves, these applications can solve this kind of problem coviniently.

In medicine system, computer technology has played a significant role, such as: CT or MRI scan, they need this technology for assistance, Meanwhile this can be used for diagnoses, research and developing medicine, Which are really useful for everyone. In my opinions, i do not see any disadvantages of them, because i grew up with this technology and it is beneficial for me. So, we should appreciate to this technology.

In summary, depending on computer technology is good, it helps us in several parts. We should respect and support this. I firmly believe that the development of technology can be more helpful for us in the future.

Word Count: 221

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

technology: 7

computer: 4

medicine: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and expresses a clear position (disagreement), but the development of ideas is limited. While you mention specific examples like ride-sharing apps and medical scans, the arguments lack depth and do not fully engage with the 'dangerous situation' aspect of the prompt. To improve, you should acknowledge the opposing view (the risks of technology, such as hacking or system failures) before refuting it, as this demonstrates a more sophisticated level of critical thinking. Additionally, ensure that your supporting points are expanded with more detailed explanations of *how* these technologies benefit society, rather than just stating that they are 'useful' or 'convenient'. Work on grammatical accuracy, particularly subject-verb agreement and sentence structure, to ensure your ideas are communicated more clearly. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is somewhat abrupt. The connection between sentences could be improved by using a wider variety of cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'In addition', 'Consequently') rather than simple conjunctions. To improve, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that every sentence logically flows from the previous one to build a cohesive argument.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is functional but quite limited and repetitive. There are several spelling errors (e.g., 'acessible', 'convinient', 'coviniently') and some awkward phrasing (e.g., 'part of us for living', 'arrive the place'). To reach a higher band, try to use more precise academic vocabulary and collocations. Instead of saying 'good' or 'useful', consider terms like 'indispensable', 'revolutionary', or 'highly efficient'. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede clarity. Issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'Computer systems has been'), improper capitalization (e.g., 'i' instead of 'I'), and sentence fragments (e.g., 'Which are really useful for everyone'). There is also a reliance on simple sentence structures. To improve, practice using complex sentence structures such as relative clauses and conditional sentences, and pay close attention to basic punctuation and capitalization rules.

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