Cause And Solution

Band 6+: In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are spending more and more of their time indoors. What do you think are the causes of this problem? What measures could best be taken to solve it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

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Today, many children and teenagers worldwide prefer to spend more time inside their homes instead of going out to play. There are many reasons for such behaviour and different solutions to this issue. In this essay, the reasoning of this choice and possible measures of this problem will be provided.

Firstly, after the development of mobile phones and other gadgets providing a lot of different opportunities for the teenagers to spend time, young people tend to forget about other possible engagements. It is understandable, because easy access to the internet provides a new sphere of social interaction while creating a perfect environment for running away from your boring routine and tiring school. At the same time problems related to real life communication seems to be less important to the new generation, since children no longer need to be fulfilled with the online social media platforms. Thus, many young individuals prefer to stay indoors, spending their time doomscrooling through social media and playing video games.

Secondly, in order to overcome this problem a couple of measures must be taken. Local schools should inspire their students to create different clubs and other events, supporting real life communication and providing multiple activities for teenagers. At the same time, governments worldwide should cooperate and make a global community of international students, where those will be able to exchange their experiences and learn through different cultures. However, the most important factor is to support individual interests of pupils and suppress bullying, racism, xenophobia and other major problems, leading to antisocial behaviour.

In conclusion, the global issue of isolation of young people is spreading around the globe. In order to overcome it, communities around the world should collide together and develop new opportunities for teenagers to spend their free time outside, raising their level of education and improving their social skills. If children would have a range of choice, the quantity of those who spend their time online would be definitely lower than it is now.

Word Count: 330

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 8

teenagers: 4

spend: 4

different: 4

other: 4

social: 4

children: 3

young: 3

should: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt: the causes of increased indoor time and the potential solutions. A clear position is maintained throughout the response. The ideas regarding digital distraction and the need for social engagement are relevant and well-developed. To reach a higher score, the connection between the proposed solutions and the specific causes could be tightened. For instance, while the essay identifies digital gadgets as a cause, the solutions focus heavily on school clubs and international exchange; explicitly linking how these activities compete with or replace digital habits would create a more cohesive argument. Additionally, ensure that the vocabulary used in the conclusion (e.g., 'communities... should collide together') is precise, as 'collide' usually carries a negative connotation of conflict rather than cooperation.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs addressing both causes and solutions, and a conclusion. The progression of ideas is easy to follow. However, some cohesive devices and transitions could be more sophisticated. For instance, the phrase 'the reasoning of this choice and possible measures of this problem will be provided' is a bit mechanical. To improve, try to integrate your thesis statement more naturally into the introduction. Additionally, ensure that the connection between the 'causes' and 'solutions' is tighter; for example, explicitly linking the solution of 'school clubs' to the cause of 'digital distraction' would strengthen the logical flow.

Lexical Resource

You demonstrate a good range of vocabulary, using terms like 'doomscrolling,' 'social interaction,' and 'xenophobia' appropriately. The use of 'doomscrolling' is particularly modern and relevant. To reach a higher band, aim for more precision in word choice to avoid slight awkwardness. For example, 'fulfilled with the online social media platforms' is not quite natural; 'satisfied by' or 'engaged with' would be better. Also, 'communities... should collide together' is an incorrect collocation; 'collaborate' or 'unite' would be much more suitable in this context. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay uses a variety of complex structures, such as conditional sentences and subordinate clauses. However, there are several grammatical inaccuracies that prevent a higher score. Specifically, subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'problems... seems to be') and errors in conditional structures (e.g., 'If children would have a range of choice' should be 'If children had a range of choice') were noted. Pay close attention to the second conditional for hypothetical situations and ensure that singular/plural subjects match their verbs. Refining these technical aspects will significantly improve the overall polish of your writing.

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