Opinion

Band 5+: Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first purnishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

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It has been observed that many criminals after serving their first punishment in prison tends to reoffend after getting release. In my opinion, this happens due to lack of rehabilitation and chances of employment offered to the the people having history of criminal record. Certain measures can be taken that can prevent people in getting involved in criminal activity again.

Firstly, the lack of rehabilitation is one of the primary reasons that many people start re-offending once they are release from the prison. In other words, criminals who are in the jail are hardly getting retrain in developing new skills and mindsets that can help them build proper moral values . Instead of proper guidance , majority of them are surrounded with other criminals who have committed hideous crimes , leading the first timer criminals to develop more rigid criminal mentality. Secondly, many of these offenders barely get any employment opportunities that can help them outgrow from past events. As they face constant backlash and rejection in finding jobs, most of them struggle to cope with financial loss which leads them to attempt crime repeatedly without being aware of the consequences.

In order to reduce this increasing number of repeat offenders, some measures can be taken by the law and rehabilitation team in a way that help them get back on their feet. For instance, when a criminal in imprisoned , they should be retrain into certain tasks and activities that can boost their productivity and keep them away from the influence of other harmful criminals. Moreover, they should be given thorough counselling which can help them cope with traumatic event and get better sense of morality. Once they have been set free, government or law body should supervised their activity in the beginning to assure they are getting adapted among the society in ethical and appropriate manner. These solutions should hopefully refrain them from getting indulge in repetitive crimes and help them to start a new journey as a morally right person.

In conclusion, active counselling and guidance towards skill training can help criminals to develop better mindset and later once they are set free, some supervision can be helpful in coping in life that can thereby prevent them in getting involve in criminal activity.

Word Count: 376

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

criminals: 6

getting: 6

criminal: 5

their: 4

should: 4

rehabilitation: 3

people: 3

activity: 3

other: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt. You have clearly identified two main causes (lack of rehabilitation and lack of employment opportunities) and provided corresponding solutions (skill training, counseling, and post-release supervision). The position is consistent throughout the response. To reach a higher score, ensure that the development of ideas is even more precise; for example, you could more explicitly link how the lack of employment specifically leads back to crime by mentioning the necessity of legal income for survival. Additionally, be mindful of minor grammatical slips (e.g., 'when a criminal in imprisoned' should be 'is imprisoned' and 'refrain them from getting indulge' should be 'refrain them from indulging') to ensure the flow remains seamless.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs addressing both parts of the prompt, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas can sometimes feel slightly repetitive. To improve, focus on using a wider variety of cohesive devices and transition signals. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that is followed by well-developed supporting details without redundant phrasing.

Lexical Resource

You have used some appropriate vocabulary related to the topic, such as 'rehabilitation', 'reoffend', and 'criminal record'. However, there are several instances of word choice errors and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'outgrow from past events', 'get better sense of morality', 'getting indulge in'). To reach a higher band, aim for more precise collocations and avoid repeating the same words (like 'criminals' or 'help') too frequently. Try to use more sophisticated synonyms to demonstrate a broader range.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are present throughout the essay and occasionally impede the flow of reading. Common issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'many criminals... tends'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'once they are release', 'should be retrain', 'should supervised'), and preposition errors (e.g., 'prevent people in getting'). Work on mastering passive voice constructions and ensuring that verb tenses and forms are consistent. Increasing your control over complex sentence structures will also help improve your score.

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Band 5+: Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first purnishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

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Essays On The Same Topic:

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first purnishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first purnishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first purnishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first purnishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

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Check Your Own Essay On This Topic?

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

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