Opinion

Band 5+: Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first purnishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

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Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

It is true that many criminals commit more violations after getting their first punishment. While there are a variety of reasons responsible for it, steps can definitely be taken to address it.

There are a bunch of reasons why criminals commit more crimes even after they get their first punishment. One possible reason is that people commit crimes and get caught, but they don’t receive the proper punishment they deserve. This gives them courage to commit these crimes again and again. Another reason is weak law in our country like after finishing the crimes the criminal lives his life like a normal person and the police cannot do anything because the criminal has connections with politicians or sometimes the politician is the criminal. Besides, the poor condition of law is one of the main reasons for criminals committing crime after their first punishment.

Criminals who commit crimes after their first punishment can certainly be tackled. Firstly, to stop crimes, government must make strict laws so that they can scare criminals to commit crimes again. For example, if criminals get the proper punishment, they will not have the courage to do it again. Secondly, we should do some raise awareness about committing crimes that can help to decrease the number of crimes happening every day. Finally, we can add a book on school or college of what happened after committing a crime it will give awareness to all students do not commit crime in future.

In conclusion, criminals committing crime after getting the first punishment will continue to be a problem unless the law of punishment becomes strict, the poor law and the easygoing punishment encourage the criminals to commit crimes again after being punished.

Word Count: 308

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

crimes: 11

commit: 9

after: 9

punishment: 9

criminals: 7

first: 6

again: 5

their: 4

committing: 4

crime: 4

reasons: 3

criminal: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a position. However, the ideas lack clarity and sufficient development. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples and elaborating on the suggested measures. Also, ensure a clearer connection between the reasons for re-offending and the proposed solutions.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates an attempt to organize ideas into paragraphs, but the connections between sentences and paragraphs could be strengthened. Transitions are somewhat basic. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of ideas. For example, in the second paragraph, elaborating on the connection between weak laws and repeat offenses would enhance coherence. In the third paragraph, provide specific examples of awareness campaigns and their potential impact.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with some repetition (e.g., 'commit crimes'). While the vocabulary is generally accurate, it lacks sophistication. To improve, try to incorporate more varied and precise vocabulary related to crime, punishment, and law enforcement. For instance, instead of 'strict laws,' consider using terms like 'stringent regulations' or 'deterrent measures.' Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains grammatical errors that occasionally impede understanding. Sentence structures are relatively simple, and there are issues with word choice and sentence construction. To enhance grammatical range, try incorporating more complex sentence structures and varied grammatical forms. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and accurate use of articles and prepositions. For example, 'raise awareness' should be 'raise awareness' or 'create awareness'.

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Band 5+: Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first purnishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

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Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first purnishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first purnishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

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Check Your Own Essay On This Topic?

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