Advantage And Disadvantage

Band 5+: Nowadays, technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing. In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Today, people use digital tools a lot to get guidance regarding their actions and words. They do not realize that they are being monitored. In my opinion, this case’s cons surpass the pros including the reason that people might become more dependent on technology without relying on themselves among others.

One of the main reasons why this can lead to drawbacks is that technology may take all over the world that will cause people to rely on them without real humans’ help and advice. Automation and robots may probably become active, and finally culminate in people’s intelligence and abilities disappearing. For instance, if technological enhanced robots replaced employees, they would lose jobs and their comfortable lives. Unemployment rate starts to rise. Additionally, as far as technology becomes more reliable, people take advantage of this by seeking advice. This will result in a downturn of their own critical thinking skills and independence. They almost take after robots, instinctively moving to them whenever they need help. Moreover, if they ask for solutions every time they are in trouble, technology which they think is helpful is not that reliable and completely believable due to its possible danger of damage to privacy. Take bank accounts, for example. Individuals tend to save their valuable finance in their bank accounts in order to keep them safe. However, as technology is improving along with the centuries, there might be some hacking and stealing money just online.

Of course, it would be unfair to say technology has no advantages at all. One benefit is its convenience. It allows each individual to solve the problems by offering solutions. It will not be dragged on if it helps right, which means that it will reduce people’s exhausting and concerning times.

In closing, while it is effortless in life with the help of technology, people should be guided that this will lead to several disadvantages and avoid using this more than necessary. As soon as the world is improving into a modern one, we should be aware of the dangers of what technology could bring to us.

Word Count: 346

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

technology: 8

people: 5

their: 5

robots: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt, but there is a significant issue with task relevance. The topic specifically asks about the monitoring of people's actions and words (surveillance/privacy), whereas the majority of your essay discusses the general dangers of automation, loss of critical thinking, and unemployment. While these are technological issues, they do not directly address the concept of 'monitoring' or 'surveillance' mentioned in the prompt. To improve, you must ensure that your arguments directly relate to the specific phenomenon described - in this case, the implications of being watched via cameras or tracking devices. For example, you could discuss the benefits of crime prevention versus the disadvantages of the loss of privacy and potential government misuse of data. Ensure that every paragraph links back to the core theme of monitoring/surveillance to maintain a consistent position.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there is a significant disconnect between the prompt and the argument. The prompt asks about 'monitoring' (surveillance/privacy), but the essay focuses almost entirely on 'reliance on technology' and 'automation/robotics.' This results in a lack of task response coherence. To improve, ensure that every paragraph directly addresses the specific phenomenon mentioned in the prompt (monitoring/surveillance). Additionally, use more varied cohesive devices; some transitions feel abrupt, and the logical flow between sentences within the first body paragraph is occasionally difficult to follow.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and occasionally imprecise. For example, phrases like 'take all over the world' or 'take after robots' are not used in a natural or idiomatic way in this context. There is an attempt to use more complex words (e.g., 'culminate', 'instinctively'), but they are not always applied accurately. To improve, focus on learning collocations related to the topic of technology and surveillance, such as 'privacy infringement,' 'constant surveillance,' 'data breaches,' or 'technological dependency.' Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are frequent and sometimes impede meaning. Issues include subject-verb agreement, improper use of articles, and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'technological enhanced robots' should be 'technologically enhanced robots'). There are also issues with tense consistency and sentence fragments. To improve, practice using relative clauses more accurately and focus on the correct formation of adverb-adjective combinations. Reviewing sentence structure to ensure each thought is a complete, grammatically sound unit will help raise this score.

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