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Band 7+: The charts show the online sales for retail sectors in a South American country in 2009 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

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Image for topic: The charts show the online sales for retail sectors in a South American country in 2009 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

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The image presents two pie charts detailing online sales distribution by category for 2009 and 2019; in 2009, travel constituted 38%, clothes 26%, music/film 20%, books 16%; in 2019, travel comprised 29%, clothes 15%, music/film 33%, books 23%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The pie chart illustrate the changes in online sales in South America over the two periods.

Overall, in 2009 the highest proportion of sales was travel , while in 2019 it was music/film. Moreover, sales of clothes and books changed relatively similar , but books sales increased whereas clothes sales decreased.

It is clear that the greatest proportion of sales was travel , which represented 38% of total turnover, while in 2019, the figure for this category was just less than a third. In 2019, revenue’s largest rate was music/films, at 33%. Meanwhile, the rate of sales on this category in 2009 was considerably lower , at a fifth.

In 2009, books represented smallest sales at 16%. In comparison, sales of books accounted for 23%,in 2019. In addition, clothes experienced roughly similar rate of change , but it decreased from 26% in 2009 to 15% in 2019.

Word Count: 147

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

sales: 9

books: 4

clothes: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report effectively summarizes the main features of the pie charts and makes relevant comparisons between the online sales data for 2009 and 2019. The overview is clear, and the body paragraphs provide sufficient detail, including specific percentages, to support the observations. To further enhance the response, consider including more precise language and avoiding slight inaccuracies (e.g., 'just less than a third'). Also, ensure consistent use of articles and prepositions for improved clarity. The report falls short of the required 150 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is generally well-organized, with a clear overall structure. The overview paragraph effectively summarizes the main trends. However, some transitions could be smoother to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. For example, in the second paragraph, the connection between the travel sales and the music/film sales could be more explicit. Consider using cohesive devices like 'in contrast' or 'conversely' to strengthen these connections. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single, clear idea to improve coherence.

Lexical Resource

The report demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, appropriate for the task. Terms like 'proportion,' 'turnover,' 'revenue,' and 'considerably lower' are used effectively. However, there's room to enhance the sophistication of the language. For instance, instead of 'changed relatively similar,' you could use 'experienced a similar shift.' Also, vary your vocabulary to describe changes; instead of always using 'sales,' consider alternatives like 'revenue' or 'expenditure' where appropriate. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report demonstrates a good command of grammar, with a variety of sentence structures used. However, there are a few grammatical errors that need attention. For example, 'The pie chart illustrate' should be 'The pie charts illustrate,' and 'revenue's largest rate' should be 'revenue's largest proportion' or 'the largest proportion of revenue.' Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and correct use of possessives. Proofreading carefully will help eliminate these errors.

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