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Band 6+: The number and the purpose of trips made by men and women in a certain European country in 2007

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The image shows the number and purposes of trips made by men and women in a certain European country in 2007: Day trip: Men 50, Women 40; Sports/entertainment: Men 70, Women 60; Visiting friends: Men 150, Women 150; Shopping: Men 100, Women 150; Travelling to work: Men 250, Women 300.

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The bar chart illustrates the number and the targets of trips made by male and female in a certain European country in 2007.

Overall, the number of trips made by men was higher for purposes, such as, one day trips, sports/entertainment and commitments to work, whereas their female counterparts showed much higher numbers for visiting friends and shopping. Additionally, the highest number of trips was made for travelling to work.

Focusing on the males’ higher figures first, men travelled almost 45 one day trips, whereas the figure for sports and entertainment was 140. The number of commitments to work was around 330.

By contrast, females surpassed them in the frequency of travels for other supposes. Females made 210 trips to visit their friends, making it slightly more than their counterparts. Moreover, the largest figure for women’s journeys was recorded for shopping at nearly 300.

Word Count: 144

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

trips: 6

number: 4

higher: 3

their: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task, but there are inaccuracies in the data reported. The writing is not always clear and precise. To improve, ensure accurate data representation and focus on clarity and conciseness in your writing. The report falls short of the required 150 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report has some coherence issues. The organization is present but could be improved. The flow of information is not always smooth, and the connections between sentences and paragraphs could be strengthened. For example, the transition between the overall trends and the specific details could be clearer. Consider using transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the information.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate but could be more varied and precise. There are instances of repetitive language (e.g., 'number of trips,' 'made trips'). Try to use synonyms and a wider range of vocabulary to describe the data more effectively. For example, instead of 'number of trips,' you could use 'frequency of travel,' 'volume of journeys,' or 'incidence of trips.' Also, 'targets of trips' is not the most appropriate phrase; consider using 'purposes of trips' or 'reasons for travel.'

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains grammatical errors and phrasing issues that affect clarity. For example, 'men travelled almost 45 one day trips' is grammatically incorrect. It should be 'men made almost 50 one-day trips.' Similarly, 'the figure for sports and entertainment was 140' is unclear; it should be 'the number of trips for sports and entertainment was 70.' Also, 'commitments to work was around 330' should be 'commitments to work was around 250'. Pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and correct phrasing to improve grammatical accuracy.

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