Advantage And Disadvantage

Band 4+: In some countries more and more international travel is becoming cheaper and more countries are opening their doors to increase the number of tourists. Do the advantages of increasing tourism outweigh the disadvantage.

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Nowadays travelling abroad has become more cheaper and easier to go. Hence, there are some advantages and disadvantages.

On the one hand, there are several diverse disadvantages of this. For instance, if or when travelling has become affordable for people citizens who have no enough money to travel want to leave their own country. As a result, population of this country will reduce not only population but also income of that countries will decrease. In addition, if people leave their own country, this country become uncommon around the world and culture of this country become unpopular, that means people who live in the foreign country do not know about that country because of their citizens leave this country.

On the other hand, there are some varieties advantage sides also. For example, it is very good opportunity for businessmen, because they can get new experience during the travel. This means they can get new knowledge about business and they can try their own country. As a result, business will increase their country. Additionally, if travelling is become easier, people can go other countries and they may learn culture of there. Furthermore, people who want to trip foreign country can go that country they want and they can make new friends. As a result, they will know news or some information about that country which they went even though they come back to own country.

In conclusion, I would argue that advantage of this development overweighs the disadvantage. The reason for this is that the advantage sides can give more opportunity for citizens.

Word Count: 261

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

country: 12

become: 5

people: 5

their: 5

there: 4

travelling: 3

citizens: 3

leave: 3

result: 3

about: 3

advantage: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear position in the conclusion. However, the development of ideas is limited and sometimes lacks logical clarity. For instance, the argument that affordable travel leads to a decrease in a country's population and income is a significant claim that is not sufficiently explained or supported with realistic reasoning. Additionally, some ideas are repetitive or phrased in a way that obscures the intended meaning. To improve, focus on developing your arguments more deeply. Instead of making broad claims about national populations, consider more direct impacts of cheap travel, such as environmental concerns (disadvantage) or economic growth through tourism (advantage). Ensure that each supporting point follows a logical progression: state the point, explain how it works, and then provide a specific example or result. Working on grammatical precision and sentence structure will also help in conveying your ideas more clearly.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is often difficult to follow due to logical gaps and repetitive sentence structures. To improve, focus on using a wider variety of cohesive devices (e.g., 'consequently', 'furthermore', 'in contrast') and ensure that each sentence logically flows into the next. Avoid starting too many sentences with 'As a result' or 'This means'.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is quite limited and often repetitive (e.g., using 'country' and 'people' excessively). There are also instances of incorrect word choices, such as 'varieties advantage sides' or 'uncommon around the world'. To reach a higher band, aim to use more precise academic vocabulary and collocations. For example, instead of 'make new friends', you could use 'expand their social networks', and instead of 'business will increase their country', you could use 'stimulate economic growth'. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede the reader's understanding. There are significant issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'this country become'), article usage, and sentence construction (e.g., 'more cheaper' is a double comparative). You should focus on mastering basic sentence structures, correct tense usage, and the proper use of comparative forms. Practicing complex sentence structures like relative clauses and conditional sentences will also help improve your score.

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