Opinion

Band 4+: Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first purnishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

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Many offenders do more crimes after first punishment. This problem is very common in many country. Prison not always help people. After prison many people do crime again. The effect of prison is often inconclusive. Some people think punishment change people, but in real life it not always works.

First reason is prison. Prison is bad place for people. Offenders meet other criminals in prison. They learn bad things from them. They talk about crime and how make money illegal. Prison life is hard and stressful. People become angry. They not learn how live normal life. After prison they think crime only way for them. Inconclusive effect of prison make many people return to crime.

Second reason is life after prison. Many people cannot find job after prison. Employers not trust people who was in prison. They have no money for food and house. Many offenders have no education and no skills. Society don’t accept them and look at them bad. Because of this they feel useless and return to crime again. The result is inconclusive because some people change, but many people not change.

Government should help offenders more. Prison should not only punish people. Prisoners need learn job skills and education. After prison people need help with job and home. Society should give people second chance. If government and society help more, maybe crime less. Inconclusive result of support shows we need better programs for offenders.

Word Count: 238

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

prison: 14

people: 14

after: 6

offenders: 5

crime: 5

inconclusive: 4

learn: 3

society: 3

should: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing reasons for re-offending and suggesting solutions. However, the development of ideas is limited and lacks sufficient detail. The writing contains some repetition and lacks precision. To improve, focus on developing each point more fully with specific examples and explanations. Also, work on using more precise language and avoiding generalizations. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay lacks clear organization and logical flow. Paragraphing is present but doesn't effectively separate ideas. The connections between sentences and paragraphs are weak, making it difficult to follow the argument. Use more cohesive devices (e.g., transition words, pronouns) to link ideas and improve the overall structure. Each paragraph should focus on a single, well-defined idea with supporting evidence.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive. There is a limited range of words, and some choices are not entirely appropriate for academic writing. Expand your vocabulary by reading widely and learning synonyms for common words. Focus on using more precise and sophisticated language to express your ideas. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains frequent grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and incorrect word order. Sentence structure is often simple and lacks complexity. Focus on improving your understanding of basic grammar rules and practice writing more complex sentences. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors.

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