Positive And Negative

Band 6+: Part 2: In many countries, more and more people want to study at universities. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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These days, the number of people who want to get into university and study there is increasing every single day. I believe that the main reason for having this desire is that people want to explore the world from different edges and have a degree to work or initiate a business. Undoubtedly it is a positive thing to do, as the education system is enhancing day by day in almost all countries which offers new opportunities to university students.

One of the main reasons why individuals want to study at university is wanting to have explore the world, new foreign countries and get chances to try something new in their lives. Currently getting into universities is hard process which requires not only some international or national certificates but also to show that the person is mentally mature, emotionally intelligent and ready for the big life. To see these things in real life, most school students are trying hard and putting all of their effort. Additionally, a significant number of learners also want to study at university to get the degree. As in modern society, without a degree it is a problematic process to find a proper job and have a source of income to live or buy daily needs. Therefore, many students want to study at university which gives them a shot to try out new things.

Personally, I assume that having a dream to study at university is a positive action that brings multiple benefits to people, one of them which is stepping in a serious stage of life. University years of a students is a mixture of different feelings, personalities and the moment when they will start to care about subjects more precisely. Approximately 70% of freshmen prone to feel the pressure after one or two months, as adopting to new studying environment also requires some time. While struggling with studies and trying to gain knowledge, students will earn the first pivotal experience in their lifetime. So, wanting to study and studying at university is beneficial for everyone.

To conclude, the reasons of why people want to study at university are the merits of having a degree and exploring the world. I believe that the positive influence of it is far more important and noteworthy to consider, as it helps to them shape their personality, patience resistance while studying.

Word Count: 391

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

university: 9

study: 7

people: 4

degree: 4

which: 4

their: 4

students: 4

having: 3

world: 3

positive: 3

studying: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay appropriately addresses both parts of the prompt: it explains why more people want to study at universities and presents a clear position that this is a positive development. The main ideas are relevant and supported with some reasoning and examples. However, there is a lack of precision and focus in the development of ideas, with some repetition and minor grammatical issues that affect clarity. To improve, aim to provide more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments, and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea with logical progression. Additionally, proofread for grammatical accuracy and word choice (e.g., 'adopting' should be 'adapting').

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear overall structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear connections between sentences. For example, the transition from discussing reasons for wanting to study to the positive aspects could be smoother. The use of cohesive devices is basic and occasionally repetitive (e.g., 'Additionally', 'Therefore'). To improve, work on using a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Also, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that sentences logically follow one another.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with some good attempts at less common words (e.g., 'pivotal', 'noteworthy'). However, there are several instances of imprecise or unnatural word choices (e.g., 'explore the world from different edges', 'a shot to try out new things', 'prone to feel the pressure'). Some phrases are also repetitive (e.g., 'study at university' is used many times). To improve, focus on using more precise and natural collocations, and vary your vocabulary to avoid repetition. Reading academic articles can help you learn how words are used in context. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions that affect clarity. Examples include: 'wanting to have explore' (should be 'wanting to explore'), 'hard process which requires' (should be 'a hard process that requires'), 'adopting to new studying environment' (should be 'adapting to a new study environment'), and 'helps to them shape' (should be 'helps them shape'). Punctuation is generally correct but could be more varied. To improve, review common grammar points such as verb patterns, articles, and prepositions. Practice writing more complex sentences with accurate grammar.

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