Opinion

Band 4+: People often think about creating an ideal society, but most of the times fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society How can we create an ideal society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

In today’s world of fierce competition, people are used to thinking about inventing an iconic society, but almost every time they face problems and fails. In my opinion, persons always try to make something perfect for a long period but some situations and disadvantages of certain system in the result breaks societies. Thus great community should contains all benefits from previous tries and be ready for spontaneous issues.

In it’s favour, the best version of civilization should provide comfortable solutions, rules and ideas. Actually, there are a lot of different examples in our history when presidents were doing what ever they want. In this situations humans were really angry and made plenty of mitings. In fact, after this conflicts the leader were usually replaced by new one and people got what they need as hardly might they fancy their life without good public transport system, medium taxes, not so strict lows etc. For instance, there are piles of news during the year about small wars in governments with farmers, workers or another group of the society that need help from their president.

Besides, another important thing for the perfect population is ability to hear citizens. This country will be like one cake and it can be really hardly to destroy it. For example, some conferences are believed to be an awesome way to ask for issues and some wishes because residents will feel the connection with the capitan.

In conclusion, there are thousands of experience that we should study. An ideal society should have the connection with their boss and contains all advantages of previous examples.

Word Count: 266

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

should: 4

society: 3

there: 3

their: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing the idea of an ideal society and how it can be created. However, the response lacks depth and development. The position is not entirely clear and the ideas are not fully extended or well supported. The examples provided are not entirely relevant or coherent. To improve, the essay should focus on fully developing a clear position and providing more relevant and well-supported examples to explore the concept of an ideal society in depth.

Coherence & Cohesion

3.5

The essay demonstrates some coherence and cohesion, but there are significant issues that affect the overall flow and clarity of the message. The use of cohesive devices is limited, and there are instances of unclear pronoun references and awkward phrasing. Additionally, the paragraphing could be improved for better organization and coherence. To enhance coherence and cohesion, the essay should use a wider range of cohesive devices and ensure that pronoun references are clear and consistent. Additionally, the essay should focus on more effective paragraphing for improved organization.

Lexical Resource

The essay displays a mix of vocabulary, with some attempts at using a range of words and phrases. However, there are inaccuracies and awkward word choices that affect the overall lexical resource. The use of examples and expressions is not always precise or natural. To enhance the lexical resource, the essay should aim for more accurate and appropriate word choices, as well as a wider range of vocabulary to convey ideas more effectively and naturally.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, but there are noticeable grammatical errors and inaccuracies throughout. Punctuation and sentence structure could be improved for better accuracy and clarity. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, the essay should focus on using punctuation and sentence structures more appropriately and accurately. Additionally, a more careful proofreading for grammatical errors is recommended.

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