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Discussion

Band 4+: Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities (for example, helping at home or at work). Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

In this essay, I will thoroughly evaluate both view points and articulate my conviction that the former view is more rational.

For children who do not have responsibilities at home, they will be more time to enjoy their life and comfortable. In different words, they can hang out with their friends to chat, share about their joys or hardships in their lives to reduce stress. Outside of school, they can do things they like such as :learning an art subject, listening to music, watching new film,….

Those who support children being responsible in the family believe that they will gain more skills and be more adaptable. They can know more skills about how to do housework or how to manage their time both studying and working as well.Besides, when they grow from the skills they learn, they can best serve the essential needs of life.

In my view, it is necessary for children to be responsible in the family because it helps them become more mature in life. Although not having responsibilities will make you more comfortable, having responsibilities is still the most necessary thing. Children who live responsibly will live easier while children who live irresponsibly will be very dependent on.

Word Count: 202

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Overall Band Score

4
(+/- 0.5)
Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.
Grammar Mistakes: N/A
Vocabulary Repetition:
children: 5
their: 5
responsibilities: 3
skills: 3
Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

4.5
The essay addresses both views but lacks depth in the discussion. The position is somewhat clear but could be further developed with more specific examples and reasoning. Some ideas are relevant but need further elaboration to fully support the argument. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

3.5
The essay is somewhat coherent but lacks smooth transitions between ideas. Paragraphing could be improved to enhance the overall structure and flow of the essay. Some sentences are repetitive and could be rephrased for better cohesion.

Lexical Resource

4.5
There is an attempt to use a range of vocabulary, but some words are used incorrectly or inappropriately. More sophisticated and precise vocabulary could be employed to enhance the lexical resource. Work on expanding the vocabulary and using it accurately.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

3.5
There is an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, but there are grammatical errors throughout the essay. Punctuation and sentence structure need improvement for better accuracy. Proofreading for grammar and punctuation errors is recommended.

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