Discussion

Band 8+: Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities (for example, helping at home or at work). Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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While some people suggest that children of all ages should assist at home or at work, others believe that more freedom should be given to them after school. From my point of view, though it is necessary to enjoy life at all ages, children still need to take responsibility for family and society.

It is reasonable for students to do what they like outside of school. Nowadays, students spend most of their day studying at school and participating in extracurricular activities. This means they may have less time to enjoy their passions and explore new things in life. Furthermore, the curriculum in many schools is becoming so heavy that students have to invest more effort in completing homework, carrying out projects, and preparing for the upcoming class. Students, therefore, might be under great pressure to catch up with the learning pace of their peers as well as achieve high scores. For students to enjoy a happy childhood, besides learning, they should have opportunities to experience life in a more enjoyable way.

Nevertheless, being free can create some problems. Because students at a very young age have not developed completely in terms of physics and mentality, if they are able to do whatever they want, they may make poor decisions that could potentially harm themselves. For instance, many students are spending hours a day playing video games with violent scenes that may lead them to unhealthy thoughts and sedentary lifestyles. Parents should encourage them to help with housework because, in this way, children will use their spare time to take responsibility as family members. They need to know that doing household chores is part of their duties, and they will become more responsible and reliable once they get used to taking care of others. Moreover, by doing housework, children will be physically active. As a result, diseases such as obesity and shortsightedness can be prevented.

In conclusion, although freedom outside of school can provide students with chances to relax and enjoy themselves, it seems to me that children should be assigned extra work after class to show their responsibilities.

Word Count: 348

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

students: 8

their: 6

children: 5

should: 5

school: 4

enjoy: 4

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt. You have clearly discussed both perspectives - the need for leisure time due to academic pressure and the importance of responsibility for character development and health - and provided a clear personal opinion. The ideas are well-developed and supported with relevant examples, such as the impact of video games and the benefits of housework. To reach a band 9, you could further refine the depth of your argument in the second body paragraph by more explicitly linking the concept of 'responsibility' to the broader societal benefits mentioned in your introduction, ensuring a perfectly seamless connection between your thesis and your supporting points.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is well-organized, with a clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the debate, and the transition between the two viewpoints is handled smoothly using appropriate cohesive devices like 'Nevertheless' and 'In conclusion'. To reach a higher band, ensure that the connection between the 'freedom' argument and the 'responsibility' argument is even more seamless, perhaps by acknowledging the tension between the two more explicitly in the body paragraphs.

Lexical Resource

You have used a good range of vocabulary, such as 'extracurricular activities', 'sedentary lifestyles', and 'potentially harm themselves'. The word choices are generally accurate and appropriate for an academic essay. To improve, try to incorporate more sophisticated collocations and avoid slightly repetitive phrasing (e.g., using 'students' frequently; you could substitute with 'youngsters', 'adolescents', or 'the younger generation'). Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. Most sentences are error-free and contribute to the clarity of the argument. One minor area for improvement is the use of 'physics' when you likely meant 'physical development'; 'physics' refers to the branch of science, whereas 'physical' refers to the body. Refining these small nuances in word form will enhance the overall precision of your writing.

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